Fear is just another Emotion (EDWARD)

[edwardcullen]

"Don't you dare say that." "You are not worthless. You have saved my life. I would not be here without you. So if that means you are worthless to me then maybe you need to re-prioritize. I don't think you are worthless and you need to stop thinking that way. What about Brooke, what would she say if she heard you say that? You mean more to people than you think you do. And to be honest it hurts that you say those things. You have no idea the impact you make on our lives." "Why can't you see that you mean something to people?" "I would love to be where you are. I know it won't be as safe as here. But I think it would be okay. Really, I am scared. But I know you and Brooke wouldn't let anything happen. So I would just have to remember that." "Why would I hate you. Sure, you could piss me off or make me cry, but I could never hate you. You are my twin, my superman, my brother. I wouldn't be where I am now without you. No, I don't hate you. And you better get that out of your head that I could even try to hate you. Because I have tried, I can't. So I gave up on trying. I love you. And that won't change."

At first he didn't want to hear at all what she had to say...Why was she acting like a therapist...? She was 17. She was not almost over 100...He shook his head at everything she said. He was the walking dead. She was giving lectures to a dead person...He just waited to see what else she had to say. She was actually good at giving lectures she just had. But that didn't mean he had to believe all she said. Which he didn't. She said that he had loved ones...The only ones that really loved him these days were indeed Brooke and herself. No one else...His family would most likely disown him for being a Volturi. Since he did not ask for their help when Aro had kidnapped him...

"Ana stop..." Was all he was able to say at the moment as he just stood away from her. He felt her emotions were getting into a wreck like his. He saw her eyes water up....He wished he could do that so badly. He wanted so badly to be human again...He wanted to be normal for one day. But he knew even the Cullens and the Volturi could not cure that for him. That was not an option. It was never an option. It seemed that every thing that Edward touched ended up scared or dead eventually.

He was a bad guy....He would not tell Ana that. But he knew that she knew. He wanted to be normal. He wanted to breathe in the air...He wanted to taste a real kiss....He wanted to feel a real hand held in his for once without the other being ice cold....But that was never going to happen any more...He was dead and what would make Ana see him like that? He was getting to close to Ana and he was so scared now that he would loose her....If the Volturi found out, that he had cared about another human then all hell would break loose. He was making the deal more complicated with Ana...The one person he was suppose to kill....

[anastasia90]

Ana looked at him. What did he expect. "No, I won't stop. You said you wouldn't let anything hurt me. Edward, that hurt. You said you are worthless. And without you I would be dead. So that makes me feel worthless." She could feel the tears break away from her eyes and slide down her cheeks. She couldn't believe he was doing this. Why would he say such things? She shook her head softly. "Why would you do that Edward?" SHe asked him before backing away and sliding down the glass of the window until she was sitting on the ground.

Anastasia had never felt so defeated. Her body shook as the sobs took over. Her knees slid up to her chest and she buried her head in her lap as she cried. "I just want to have a normal life with a normal brother who isn't putting himself down. I try so hard. I try to make you feel better and help you to see yourself the way I see you. But you always tear my words down with more insults to yourself. That hurts." SHe looked up at him, silver streaks evident on her cheeks from the tears. "Why can't you take the fucking compliment and smile? Just agree to make myself feel better?" She threw at him. She never cusses at Edward, to him maybe, but never at him. She was upset and slightly angry. Both made for a bad combination.

Human emotions were a crazy thing. They cause you to do stupid stuff sometimes. And almost always you regretted your words once you calmed down. Ana would probably regret all of this later. She would probably come back to Edward with an apology. But right now that I'm sorry was nowhere in sight.

[edwardcullen]

"No, I won't stop. You said you wouldn't let anything hurt me. Edward, that hurt. You said you are worthless. And without you I would be dead. So that makes me feel worthless." "Why would you do that Edward?" "I just want to have a normal life with a normal brother who isn't putting himself down. I try so hard. I try to make you feel better and help you to see yourself the way I see you. But you always tear my words down with more insults to yourself. That hurts." "Why can't you take the fucking compliment and smile? Just agree to make myself feel better?"

"You can't agree to some thing that would never be true....And saving you was a mistake. Maybe I should just kill you right now...." With that said he rushed with a gust of wind and was now bending down to her as he had his fingers on the side of her neck....He was so ready to kill her. But she had pissed him off to the point that he wanted to hurt her. He knew if he did this then the Volturi would reconsider him...He didn't want to really do this. But he had to scare the crap out of her so maybe she would leave him alone. His thoughts about the Volturi finding out that he saved her, really scared him. He couldn't let the Volturi find her. If they did he knew what would happen. Some times he wished he could just bite her and get it over with. And make her immortal. But he knew that was some thing she actually did not want. And he kenw this would scare the hell out of her...As his teeth barely rubbed against the skin on her neck. He arched her head back and was ready to attack her.

He could only hope that in her heart she would forgive him for this. He was being the ass hole now. He was trying to get her to hate him so much that she would not come any where near him. All that she said however, he would not forget. He only hoped he was playing his role well....He knew she would see right through him at some point. But he pressed his hand down on her stomach and made her lay on the floor. He even let his eyes change to that evil dark red color....As he looked into his sisters eyes he saw the tears falling...He wanted her to hate him so much that she would not come ten feet of him. But he had to remind himself why he was doing this. To save her life. "Fear is not just another emotion....It's some thing you will always feel...It lets you know you are not dead....yet." His voice was low and almost like a growl. But he had no choice if he wanted her to believe he was about to kill her....He could place her in a trance and get a lot more of what he wanted....But she was his sister...He couldn't do that to her...But he knew he was scaring the hell out of her to the point that she might let him kill her....

[anastasia90]

The words hit her like a brick wall. Ana's head snapped up to look at him, her face draining of all color. She felt cold all over and suddenly wished that someone would come rescue her. "Edward." SHe whispered, the fear dripping on her tone. She was petrified. SHe couldn't even move. "Please, don't." SHe spoke, she couldn't get above a whisper.When his teeth grazed her neck she let out a scream of fear as the tears spilled down her cheeks as she shook with cries of fear. This couldn't be happening. She wasn't ready to die.

He pushed her to lay down. His voice was a low growl. "Please, Edward, no. Please. Don't do this. Please." She was so scared.She didn't know what to do. "Edward, please. You're not this guy. Your not a monster. Don't give in." She tried to reason. She knew this wasn't him. Knew her brother was in there somewhere. "You don't want to do this. Edward, this isn't you. Please." She wasn't scared that he would kill her. If it happened, then it happened. But she knew he would tear himself up over it later. She couldn't let him do that. Couldn't let him beat himself up over this. "Edward, if you kill me, do it because you want to. Not because your hungry." SHe spoke as her tears stopped flowing. SHe looked at him with her brown eyes locking into his red eyes. "Don't kill me for a meal. Kill me because it is truly what you want to do. Then I can die in peace." She spoke softly. This was her last plea to him. If she was to die, then so be it. She was glad her brother would do the honors and not some monster on the streets.

[edwardcullen]

His breath was right on her neck as he was so damn close to biting her and ending her life. He wanted to kill her so bad that she could have a place in Heaven....Not this hell on Earth. He was loosing himself during this though. She knew he was. Once he bit her, he would drain her dry. And that was what he wanted more than any thing right now. He knew this would scare her senseless....She was once afraid of him any way. This way she would be for ever. And leave him alone. He wanted her to leave him alone so she could be safe. But it had a price. Like every thing did...If he bit into her, she knew he would not be able to stop. He would kill her.

He moved his hands down and grabbed her own hands tightly so she could not fight back. He had every thing he wanted and it was with in reach. The thing was, he was not a human drainer. He didn't kill humans. He hunted animals. He was what you called a veggie vamp. And if he did this, then he would forever lust for human blood. And that was why Ana was trying to stop her brother. She didn't wanna see that monster come out inside him...She didn't want to loose him like this...He knew he could read her mind clear as day....He wanted to tell her that he didn't want that to happen either...But what else could he do? What else was there to keep her away from him? She was smart and if he did this to her, then she maybe her old fear about him would sneak back in...And she would leave him alone....

"Edward." That didn't stop him..."Please, don't."
"Please, Edward, no. Please. Don't do this. Please."
"Edward, please. You're not this guy. Your not a monster. Don't give in." A low growl escaped Edwards lips as she said that....
"You don't want to do this. Edward, this isn't you. Please."
"Edward, if you kill me, do it because you want to. Not because your hungry."He grabbed the top of her head again and slammed her head on the floor... He wanted to stop...He wanted to quit hurting her...But that side of him was to strong to stop...He had his meal with in inches of himself...."Don't kill me for a meal. Kill me because it is truly what you want to do. Then I can die in peace." He grunted out as he tried to fight himself...But she was wanting him to kill her? Was she crazy? He moved his mouth back to her neck and pressed it against her....Nothing to stop him from killing her....He was right on top of her...She had no where to go...Her life was over if he did not stop what he was doing or if she called for help....

[BROOKE KNIGHT]

Brooke had come back from her hunt, she however blocked her mind, she wanted to surprise Edward about her coming home early. That was until she opened the door and smelled blood. She rushed to the source of it and frowned widely, “Edward Anthony Cullen… I thought we were in agreement that the only neck you got to bite was mine…” the way it was worded sounded as if she was teasing but her tone told otherwise, she wasn’t happy about what she had seen. And without a thought behind it she grabbed Edward away from Ana. With the distance between her husband and her sister she went over to the girl and picked her up. “If you intend to follow me I suggest you change your mind on killing your sister… I also suggest you pray to god Esme doesn’t find out…” she muttered to her husband before she brought Ana up the stairs, “You’re okay no sweetie, I’m here.” Brooke had a knack for rescuing Ana.

She brought her up to the nearest bathroom and sat her up on the counter with her back against a wall. Good thing Esme kept a first aid kit in nearly every room of the house so all Brooke had to do was open a drawer to find it. She then found a wash cloth and wet it in the sink. She then began to dab at the blood on Ana’s head. “Sorry if it hurts…” she muttered as she continued to clean the girl up.

[anastasia90]

When Edward slammed her head against the floor, she started crying. She didn't know what he was doing. Why was he doing this? SHe could feel the blood seeping from the skin of her head as she stared at him with big eyes. She could feel his teeth at his neck. "Just do it." SHe whispered. She was ready to die. If he was going to do this, she would rather him do it now. "Who wants to really live anyways? Why prolong my life? Just kill me now, then someone else can't later." She had come to terms that he was going to kill her. Why should he feel bad about it later. She didn't want him to feel like a monster. So maybe if she told him he could, maybe then he won't beat himself up over it. He was more important to her than he realized. And she wouldn't let him kill himself later over this. "Just do it." She repeated to him.

So when Brooke came in, Ana let out a sigh. It wasn't to show and emotion, but mostly to let out the breath she was holding. Soon Edward was ripped off of her by Brooke. SHe didn't hear anything she said as the woman picked her up and took her to the bathroom. She looked at the woman's golden eyes and smiled softly. SHe had no idea Ana was telling him to do it.

As Brooke began to clean the wound, And didn't move. "It doesn't hurt." SHe spoke softly as she felt the pressure of it. She looked at Brooke. "I don't understand." sHe whispered. SHe was done crying. SHe was so emotionally drained she didn't even know what she should feel at the moment. sHe looked at Brooke, she had no idea if Edward had followed or if he was still where they were moments before.

[edwardcullen]

"Just do it."
"Who wants to really live anyways? Why prolong my life? Just kill me now, then someone else can't later." "Just do it."

He was all ready for that. His mind was on some thing and he was going to do just that. Kill her. Do exactly what she wants. He would be doing her a favor. The Volturi would leave her alone. She would be in heaven. She was be safe from this hell on earth. He smelled her blood after he slammed her head He was was not going to let any one stop him from what his thirsted for. Her blood. Her sweet amazing blood. That he could fill enter his nostrils. He was so consumed by her blood now that there was no going back for her. She was going to die today. He was going to do what she demanded. He was letting that monster out. If he bit her then there would be no going back. All this time he had his lips pressed on her lips. His teeth brushed her skin. You couldn't see but his eyes were pitch black. He was not the one he was suppose to be...

As he pressed himself on top of her he heard her screams out for agony. She was getting it alright. And from the one person she grew to trust. He was going to kill. He already killed once before and he nearly got killed for it...But he cared less about Bella Swan and Jacob Black. He only worried about the one person he was attacking. She would feel his breath on her neck as he pressed his fore arm against her breast line on her chest...As he continued to hold her there....It was close...Very close...He puncher-ed her neck with his teeth just then....As he felt the soothing taste of her blood on his teeth...He was yanked away just then! By Brooke!“Edward Anthony Cullen… I thought we were in agreement that the only neck you got to bite was mine…” “If you intend to follow me I suggest you change your mind on killing your sister… I also suggest you pray to god Esme doesn’t find out…”

By the time Edward was pulled away he was stunned at what he was trying to do...As he did not follow them....He was just shocked at what he just tried to do his own sister....."Ana...?" He looked over at the blood stain on the floor...And gasped...He did what he was trying not to...? Did he do some thing he didn't want to?! He then just curled up where he was as he placed his face in between his legs and sighed...That's how strong Brooke was to Edward, she was his place to fall when all other lights in his life went out. She was his angel....But he was still very upset with himself. As he heard what Brooke said. And he just sat there as he let the anger build up inside him...He knew Ana was still human he could hear her heart beating....But that didn't change the way he was feeling about himself now....

[BROOKE KNIGHT]

Brooke continued to clean Ana's wound up when she suddenly smelled venom on the girl, "Dammit Edward..." she muttered there was only one way to get the venom out of the human. And since it would be Brooke's first tome drinking human blood she was a little nervous. 

But then she thought of how Esme would feel if Ana was turned because Edward lost control. "Trust me, Ana... I won't kill you." she muttered before she set her lips to the wound on Ana's neck. Lucky for Ana her head would now heal perfectly because of the venom, no need to wrap anything up. Unfortunately for Brooke she had to taste human blood and feared losing control.

She sucked the blood from Ana's body slowly. She kept the mental image of Luther's face as he was drained in her head so she would stop herself. The blood ran free of venom after a little while and Brooke pulled away, watching as Ana's neck healed over. She then looked away from Ana and into the mirror, her eyes were now an unholy mix of red and gold, leaving them a dark coppery color. She looked down and shut her eyes and she frowned widely, there went sixty-four years of untainted animal drinking. Lucky for Brooke she had no thirst for human blood after that, the mental image of Luther dying would always prohibit that thirst. 

"You'll be fine now..." Brooke muttered, Ana's wounds had healed up so she was safe, "Just... Avoid Edward..." she muttered, god knew Brooke was going to do so. Her husband had caused her to drink human blood and she hated that she had even tasted it to begin with.

[anastasia90]

Ana hadn't felt the burning from the venom at first, but then it got worse and she let out a scream. She began shaking as she went into shock from the sheer pain of it. But then Brooke began sucking it out. The pain lessened and her vision cleared from the white blindness caused by the pain.She had tears from the pain on her cheek and she looked at Brooke. She said to stay away from Edward. "I can't do that." She softly shook her head as she spoke and hopped of the counter.

Anastasia gave Brooke no time to stop her. SHe went straight back to where they had left Edward. SHe saw him curled up on the floor. She stopped and frowned before walking over to him and getting on the floor and wrapping her arms around him in a hug. She didn't let go, but leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm not mad at you. I don't hate you." Ana spoke softly. sHe could still feel the pain from her head being smashed and her neck felt cold where he had bit her. She would forever have a scar there.

She leaned up and looked at Edward and put her hand under his chin to make him look at her. "None of this is your fault. I don't blame you. This was all a big mistake and it was something no one could prevent. I don't blame you so please, don't beat yourself up over this." SHe sad before kissing him on the forehead. "I love you Edward. Your my brother and you could bite me a hundred times and I wouldn't hate you." She spoke with a soft smile as she looked into his eyes. She didn't know where Brooke was or if she had followed. Frankly, Ana didn't care. Ana needed to let Edward know where she stood on all of this. He couldn't get rid of her. SHe was staying his sister and would love him no matter what.

[edwardcullen]

He heard foot steps come near him in the dark room. He was to angry at himself that he just thought it was Brooke coming back. To tell him he did a very bad thing to his sister. For he heard her screams....And he could not do any thing for her. Why was he trying to kill so much? What was happening to him...? When he had asked himself in his mind, he felt some one hug him from behind. It was Ana. She was still....human? Edward then knew what had happened. Brooke had drank out the poison. He knew she had tasted human blood. He felt responsible for that as well. He really hated himself now. He shook his head at his sister to get her off him. But she would not leave him....He wanted so badly to cry. But it was impossible..."None of this is your fault. I don't blame you. This was all a big mistake and it was something no one could prevent. I don't blame you so please, don't beat yourself up over this." He shook his head no at her. But he didn't want to say a word. He was scared if he did, his voice would tremble as he spoke.

When she made him look up at her in her eyes just then, he couldn't refuse her as he did....And she said this...."I love you Edward. Your my brother and you could bite me a hundred times and I wouldn't hate you." He closed his eyes when she kissed him on the fore head...He wanted to fall completely apart now. He wanted to be alone. He didn't want his sister to see him like this. A weakling. She made him soft...He cared just to much about her. He could smell the blood in the back of her head was taken care of by medicine. Brooke really cared about Ana to do what she had done. Edward shook his head no at her again in silence. He could remember when he was going to school with Ana and he had to make sure no one made fun of her. Because well, she was different. He made it known well that no one messed with her....But now, he needed her protection. from all the monsters that were clouded his mind. That were telling him to finish what he started. He hated not saying a word to her. But he was just messed up right now. She would understand. He then got up off the floor and walked over to a light fixture that was on the wall and pressed his hands on the neon light sign....He was trying his best not to get angry at himself....But he was really truly loosing it....

[BROOKE KNIGHT]

Brooke sighed lightly as Ana walked out and rejoined Edward. She followed a few moments later and sat at the top of the stairs and watched them with her copper colored eyes. She was silent while she sat there, she didn't want to yell at her husband for doing what he did and making her taste the blood of a human. So silently she sat there, trying to even out her mood from what it was.

A mixture of anger and sadness was all she felt. She had to get her emotions under control and she couldn't manage to. She finally spoke, "Edward... Why?" she asked, her voice was still shakey. Admittedly she still thirsted for more of Ana's blood but she held her control for it.

[anastasia90]

Ana sat on the floor and looked at Edward.She let out a soft sigh. "I shouldn't have egged you on to do it. This is all my fault. I was stupid." sHe spoke softly as she looked down at the floor. "I mess everything up. My being here is a mistake. I should just leave." SHe spoke before rising to her feet. sHe didn't want to leave Edward, but she didn't know what to do. She had single handedly brought down this family. Rose and Emmett were leaving, Jasper and Alice may be too. Now she had Edward wanting to eat her and that would probably ruin Brooke and Edward's marriage.

Ana felt like crying. She didn't know what to do. Should she go pack her things and leave? Should she stay and try to talk everything out with the two? Ana just didn't know. "I'm sorry." She repeated and turned to face her back to the both of them. She didn't know what she should do. The apology was the only thing that came out. She wanted to run, to get into the fresh air, and to just cry. SHe was so lost on what to do. SHe wanted to help but it seemed all she was doing is messing things up. She sighed as she felt defeated. What was she supposed to do?

[edwardcullen]

"Edward... Why?" "I shouldn't have egged you on to do it. This is all my fault. I was stupid." "I mess everything up. My being here is a mistake. I should just leave." But it was not her fault at all. Didn't she know that? Didn't she know that how hard it was for a veggie vampire to resist a human living with them? Obviously not. It was not her fault at all. It was his. He couldn't stop himself this time around. And that scared Edward more than ever. Just that one little bitty taste of her blood was intoxicating! And now he just couldn't stop thinking about how wonderful that tasted. He's lost so much, was he going to end up loosing his sister too? He almost did. If Brooke had not stepped in and took charge she would be dead now.

When he heard what Ana said. He broke the neon light he was holding. It snapped off the wall. That it was so tightly attached to. But he didn't snap it off all the way, yet...It was just hanging there....He was about to yank it completely off. As he leaned his head on the wall in front of him...And he sighed to himself...He didn't know how much longer he would be able to keep the anger from snapping. He wanted to leave this hell hole. He was no one in Forks any more. He already lost Bella....Was he going to loose his sister next? He remained very quiet as he could not bring it to himself to turn around and look at his sister....