Fear is just another Emotion (EDWARD)

[anastasia90]

Ana smiled. sHe had tricks up her sleeve.She smiled softly. "You can't go near her, but I can. If you want to write her a letter. I will take it to her house. I can be the little messenger." sHe offered. It wasn't much, and she knew that. But it was something she could do to help. She would do anything to help her brother. Sure, she would never condone cheating, but if he didn't love Brooke and loved Bella, then she thought it would be worth it. Especially if this marriage was doomed like she heard from everyone else in the family. SHe didn't hear it in straight conversation but she overheard it a lot.

Ana smiled and had to laugh a little. "We are siblings. We are supposed to know each other well. Sometimes I kind of think your my twin. We are so much a like, other then the different species thing." sHe smiled. She looked outside. She could see glowing towards the city. Maybe a transformer had blown. Or maybe a house was on fire. Ana didn't know, she didn't really care. The only thing she was worried about was the here and now. SHe was spending quality time with her brother and that was what mattered.

Ana sighed. "Then maybe my trusting you is a good thing. I can trust enough for the both of us. You have to have faith in yourself Edward. If you don't then it's just bad." sHe spoke. SHe wished Edward could trust himself. SHe knew if he hurt her, she would forgive him. He had given her more reasons to trust him than to not. He had many opportunities to kill her and he hadn't yet. That showed her more than his words did.

[edwardcullen]

"You can't go near her, but I can. If you want to write her a letter. I will take it to her house. I can be the little messenger."

"You'd do that for me?" He had to admit in his own mind that Ana had a good idea indeed. Aro said he could not see her, he didn't say any thing about not being able to write letters back and forth to her and letting his human sister deliver them...Edward was not stupid either. He knew Ana would say yes in a heart beat. Maybe this was some thing he could have as a secret between him and Ana...."I'd only do it if you promise not to tell any one...Not even Brooke..." He looked her in the eyes when he said that. He was serious. There was only one way to do this....And that was to keep it a secret...

"We are siblings. We are supposed to know each other well. Sometimes I kind of think your my twin. We are so much a like, other then the different species thing."

"Then maybe my trusting you is a good thing. I can trust enough for the both of us. You have to have faith in yourself Edward. If you don't then it's just bad."

He was still as far from her as possible. But he was almost through with his bottle he had deer blood in...And when he took that last drink he was a bit more relaxed. Edward gasped slightly. That part where she said she needed to have faith in himself was some thing his mother said once...."You're not the only one that's told me that I needed to have more faith. However she's dead now...She's been dead for a long time..." Maybe Ana was smart enough to know he was talking about his mother...No not Esme. His real mother....The one that gave birth to him and raised him and sheltered him and protected him. He could remember when his mother made him hold her hand when crossing the street. "You would forgive me the minute I would bite you if I cracked...?" Again he never read her mind. He'd rather hear her answer him right from her mouth. He sighed as he still remained where he was and looked down.

[anastasia90]

When he asked if she would she nodded with a smile. "Of course. I wouldn't offer if I wouldn't do it silly." She spoke playfully to him. She was in a good mood. Something that was rare. But it wasn't when Edward was around. He helped get her in a good mood. "Do you really think I am suicidal enough to tell Brooke? She would have my head." Ana seemed to use that phrase a lot. She wasn't suicidal and didn't wish for death so it got it's point across. Anastasia knew he would know she was serious.

Ana smiled. "Well then maybe you should. Faith isn't a bad thing. It doesn't mean you need religion, but trust in things you know. And you know I am not leaving you anytime soon. I will always be here. So there is something you can have faith in." She spoke with a smile. She wanted her brother happy. Wanted him to be confident in himself. He deserved at least that much.

When the conversation turned to biting, she had to think about it. Would she? "Yeah, I would. Maybe not right away, but I would forgive you. If I was going to be bit by a vampire, I would rather someone I know do it. I would rather trust the person. I know, it is messed up logic, but I am just like that." SHe smiled softly. "If it ever came to that. Would you do it? It would make me feel better if you did it." She spoke solemnly as she looked out the window. She didn't mean for the conversation to take a dark turn but it had and she couldn't change that.

[edwardcullen]

"Of course. I wouldn't offer if I wouldn't do it silly." "Do you really think I am suicidal enough to tell Brooke? She would have my head." Edward had to laugh at that. That was true. Edward knew his wife would probably tear more than an arm off of Ana if she found out. "Well then maybe you should. Faith isn't a bad thing. It doesn't mean you need religion, but trust in things you know. And you know I am not leaving you anytime soon. I will always be here. So there is something you can have faith in." "Yeah, I would. Maybe not right away, but I would forgive you. If I was going to be bit by a vampire, I would rather someone I know do it. I would rather trust the person. I know, it is messed up logic, but I am just like that.""If it ever came to that. Would you do it? It would make me feel better if you did it."

He was a bit uneasy now. She wanted him to do it to her? Why was it always on him? Why was he always chosen to be the one to do it if it ever took place? He listened to all she said until she asked him that she wanted him to change her if she ever had to be. He was thinking on that answer. The answer would be yes in a heart beat if he could answer her yes. But now that he looked at it. There was no chance he would be able to control himself if he did have to change her. Instead of yes this came out, "I don't know if I can do that..." It was not yes. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to say yes...But he knew he would not be able to stop himself if he did do it. The only thing he could offer was to be there for her when she was changed. Rather Carlisle did it or Esme. Who ever did it. He would be right there with her.

He looked down. He felt like a let down to her now. But he knew Carlisle would not let him even attempt to change her. Why would she want to be damned any way? Edward would rather her find God and find peace in her soul and have a safe death and enter the gates of heaven. Some thing he could not do now. He knew his soul was spoken for. But Edward still didn't blame Carlisle for changing him and saving his life. He never would. He knew now that it was some thing his mother wanted more than any thing. He was the last in his biological family and there was no way out for him. Until Carlisle saved him. "You don't know what your asking...." He pointed out softly but firmly at her.....

[anastasia90]

Ana nodded and looked down. She understood. She knew he had his reasons. She wasn't angry. Wasn't upset. SHe smiled softly. "It's ok. I understand. I would just rather die seeing someone I care about instead of some wack job on the street." SHe laughed a little. She could have a little dry humor at least. She looked out the window and then turned and pressed her hands against it and then leaned forward lo lay her forehead against the cold glass. SHe closed her eyes. With the rain completely stopped a fog was beginning to roll in making the yard eerie looking and all over creepy. It was a perfect set up to a power outage. Perfect to allow creatures of the night to roam.

When Edward spoke again, Ana looked back at him. SHe didn't turn her body, just her head. SHe could only see him out of the corner of her eye, but she smiled softly. "Edward. I know you probably think that statement isn't true. But I know who I trust, and who I don't. I can't trust Rosalie or Jasper. Right now, I trust Carlisle, Esme, Brooke, and you. As of right now, the way I see it, that is my family." Ana closed her eyes and looked back out the window. "I am working hard to forget the moments in my life that cause me pain. That would include my parents' death. The past is past. I am looking towards my future. And I know I don't want to live without you in it. Your my brother, and one of my closest relatives. Your like my twin. I know I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you." sHe concluded softly. SHe didn't look back at him. She knew that would at least stir up some emotion in him. It meant a lot to her that he had saved her, and in the end, that only brought them closer.

[edwardcullen]

"It's OK. I understand. I would just rather die seeing someone I care about instead of some whack job on the street." "Edward. I know you probably think that statement isn't true. But I know who I trust, and who I don't. I can't trust Rosalie or Jasper. Right now, I trust Carlisle, Esme, Brooke, and you. As of right now, the way I see it, that is my family." "I am working hard to forget the moments in my life that cause me pain. That would include my parents' death. The past is past. I am looking towards my future. And I know I don't want to live without you in it. Your my brother, and one of my closest relatives. Your like my twin. I know I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you."

Edward gave a sweet smile. "You're here because of me. Because the Volturi killed your parents. Because I was there. Because I could not bring it to myself to end your life. And now you want me to end your life by damning your soul. That is some thing I can't do...As much as I am grateful for Carlisle changing me, and saving me. I don't want that for you. Of course what does my opinion matter? Everyone in this family except you hate me..."

And who could blame them? He was a Volturi now. He went against tradition that the Cullens have tried so hard to keep together. And now things were Topsy Turvy....All because of him. He loved his family though. No matter how they felt about him. He walked over to her then and placed a hand on her shoulder. "There's always another option....Heaven." He said that like he was jealous of her...And he was. She still has that option....He would love to see his parents in Heaven...But that was not going to happen....He would do any thing to keep her from being turned. There had to be other magical options out there to help her live if she ever was to get in that situation.

Edward was always optimistic. He was always looking for other ways to do things. And not let them happen if he could help it. He didn't want that for his sister...He wanted to save her any way possible except bite her...That was out of the question in his book. But as he said then, what did it matter? His opinion mattered no longer in this family. Hence one reason he is leaving. He would hope for once someone would see things the way he would see them...But that was not going to happen now that he was a Volturi.

[anastasia90]

Ana smiled. "Yes, I am because of you. Because you had mercy and heart enough to save a poor defenseless human girl. Because of you I have a second chance at life. And I would love it if you were with me in my last moments. I said earlier I didn't want to be damned. I stick by that. I thought we were simply talking in what ifs. Because I know you wouldn't. You have worked too hard to control yourself around me to lose it now. I know you won't. That is why I am not scared anymore. It was your efforts that did it." She closed her eyes and pressed her warm cheek to the cold glass. The feel of the lower temperature against her heated skin felt nice. She knew to any of the Cullens she would feel feverish. They had cold skin while she had warm skin. She wanted to open the window, let the cool air from outside rush in. But the window opened in such a manner she would risk falling out of it. SHe knew that was bad with her on the second story. So she left it closed settling for the coolness of the glass. The simple thin transparent barrier that kept her from falling to her death.

Heaven. Anastasia never thought about that. "My family was Catholic. I am afraid I lost my religion a couple of years ago. I just don't think there could be a God that would toy with lives for fun. So if there is no God there is no heaven and thus no helll." Ana didn't mean to be down about religion. But it was how she thought. The touch of Edward's hand on her shoulder made her smile. It was cool and she was hot. With the electricity off there was no air conditioning. She would feel the temperature change before any of the vampires in the house. Their skin was naturally cold and they didn't have to worry about it being hot or cold. Ana did.

[edwardcullen]

"Yes, I am because of you. Because you had mercy and heart enough to save a poor defenseless human girl. Because of you I have a second chance at life. And I would love it if you were with me in my last moments. I said earlier I didn't want to be damned. I stick by that. I thought we were simply talking in what ifs. Because I know you wouldn't. You have worked too hard to control yourself around me to lose it now. I know you won't. That is why I am not scared anymore. It was your efforts that did it."

Edward felt the heat from her body and could tell she was burning up with no AC in the house she would get hot. He pulled her off the glass and hugged her close to his ice cold body. In hopes that she gets a little cooled off. "I'll be there. I promise. I thought we were talking about what if's too. Guess it fooled us..." He loved it when she said that he worked so hard to keep her human. Like she was a24/7 job for him. And she was actually. He had a job to do. And that was indeed to protect her at all costs..."My job is to protect you..." He said lowly as he still held her close. But he was still trying to let her have his icy touch cool her off nothing more. And when she was cool enough he would back away from her.

"My family was Catholic. I am afraid I lost my religion a couple of years ago. I just don't think there could be a God that would toy with lives for fun. So if there is no God there is no heaven and thus no hell."

"You're one of the few that I know that believe that as well. But, what if we're wrong? What if there is a hell...? If there is as they say a Satan...He has won my soul. My life is spoken for. No one can change that. But while I'm alive I will try my best to not fall into darkness. Unless there was no other option...." He was true to that word too...If that was all he had left he would probably have no choice but to die. But if there was a chance for him, he would have to be forced into some thing he really did not want. Like with him and Bella. She still did not know he gave up his life for her...Which was sad really. After all he did for her...

[anastasia90]

When Edward pulled Anastasia to him, Ana could feel the sheer coldness of his skin, even through his clothes. It felt refreshing. That and she felt loved that he was hugging her. He didn't do it often, but he did hold her when he knew he should. Normally it was when she cried. Now, it was to cool her off. He really was the greatest brother she could have. She smiled with a slight laugh carried on the breath she exhaled. "I guess we just get carried away sometimes. But then it doesn't get boring I guess." She spoke softly. She didn't have to talk louder than a whisper. Edward could hear her just fine. "I know you want to keep me alive, but I want to ask you. If I had no hope of living. I want you to make sure I die quick. I don't want to suffer. If I have to live on life support to survive, I want you to kill me. I don't want to be like that. If not you, have Carlisle do it. I am not saying eat me by all means unless that is what you want. But don't let me live a life like that and don't let me suffer." She spoke very softly. SHe knew it would be a burden to carry with him, but she wanted to know that he wouldn't let her suffer. "But that is only if I have no hope of survival." She added for clarification. She would prefer death over damnation any day.

Ana looked up to look into Edward's eyes. "If there is a hell, and you end up there, I swear to all that is holy I will march down there and rescue you from that pit of fire and bring you to me. You have done nothing to deserve a damned life. You saved my life. And that would be my repayment of that life debt. I owe you and refuse to let you suffer like that." SHe smiled, hoping she could at least get a smile out of that one. She was trying to help ease his mind, at least just a little. She wrapped her arms around his waist and closed her eyes as she laid her head against his chest with a soft smile. "You are my hero, my superman. And I want to be that hero for you one day. I want to return the favor." She spoke softly.

[edwardcullen]

"I guess we just get carried away sometimes. But then it doesn't get boring I guess." "I know you want to keep me alive, but I want to ask you. If I had no hope of living. I want you to make sure I die quick. I don't want to suffer. If I have to live on life support to survive, I want you to kill me. I don't want to be like that. If not you, have Carlisle do it. I am not saying eat me by all means unless that is what you want. But don't let me live a life like that and don't let me suffer." "If only you were my daughter.....I'd have a say or so in what to do....But you're not..." "But that is only if I have no hope of survival."

"If there is a hell, and you end up there, I swear to all that is holy I will march down there and rescue you from that pit of fire and bring you to me. You have done nothing to deserve a damned life. You saved my life. And that would be my repayment of that life debt. I owe you and refuse to let you suffer like that." "You are my hero, my superman. And I want to be that hero for you one day. I want to return the favor."

He wanted to cry. But he knew that was not possible. As he held her to cool her off, she would feel his emotions on him. He was trying to stay normal. And not get out of hand. But what she just said, no one has said to him before. There was a first time for everything right? It was also amazing him how she was able to calm him. He was going through things he thought no one would understand. And yet his sister understand all to well. For one thing, she lost her parents at the same age he did. The more he looked at it, she was right. She was his twin. What was next, her being turned at 17? Edward would do all possible to not let that happen. He just got confirmation that she did not want it either.

"You're an amazing young woman you know that? And to think that about a vampire is even more amazing. I'm not a hero. I'm the bad guy. You need to get it in your head...I'm not what you want me to be...I'm a Volturi Ana...There can't be any good in that can it? I was ordered to kill you.....I can't be the hero...." If she wanted to break a shell with him? She had to do better than what she was doing right now with him. Because he was not going to be persuaded other wise that he didn't deserve damnation....

He hoped he did not hurt her by saying that. But it had to be said. She had to hear those words from his mouth. That he was a Volturi. And that he was one the one that was suppose to kill her. He did no want her to think he was the hero. Just as he tried to tell Bella. But she wouldn't listen either. And now Ana wouldn't listen. And look where Bella is right now. With the very person he considered the enemy all along. Ironic isn't?

[anastasia90]

Ana sighed. She knew Edward was right. He didn't really have a say. But she did know that Everyone knew he was closest to her and would know what she wanted before most anyone else. He was her confidant. He was the person she went to when she had something on her mind. When she had a problem. "Can't hurt a girl for trying." She spoke simply. She smiled softly and closed her eyes as her skin took in the cold from his skin. It felt so nice.

Ana wasn't an empath like Jasper. But she could tell what was going on with Edward. He was the one person she could read like a book. They were the perfect twins. She just wished there was something she could do. Something small that would help him to feel happier. Maybe she would write him a song. That would cheer him up right? It was worth a thought. She could come up with something while Edward was away. It would be easy.Then she could have Kenny help her to record it and send it with Edward. Make him a CD of music she played, and even put some singing tracks on there. Yes, it was the perfect gift.

Anastasia knit her brows together. "No, you may be a Volturi, but that doesn't make you a bad guy. It makes you a good guy wearing a mask. Yes, you were ordered to kill me, but you didn't. You disobeyed orders and allowed me to live. That isn't bad. That shows you have a heart. You may not see it Edward, but you are good." She explained to him in a calm voice. She didn't look up at him. She just kept the side of her face pressed to his shirt as a tear gently rolled down her cheek. "I don't know much, but I know that you are good. I would be dead now if you weren't good. You had plenty of opportunities to kill me and you haven't. That says a lot. Actions speak louder than words. So open your eyes and see what is around you. Because I am seeing the good that you are blind to." She explained further. She wasn't trying to get him angry. She was just trying to get him to see, to understand. And if she had to stand here all night and drill it into him then that was what she would do. She was persistent, especially when she knew she was right and trying to prove a point.

[edwardcullen]

"No, you may be a Volturi, but that doesn't make you a bad guy. It makes you a good guy wearing a mask. Yes, you were ordered to kill me, but you didn't. You disobeyed orders and allowed me to live. That isn't bad. That shows you have a heart. You may not see it Edward, but you are good." "I don't know much, but I know that you are good. I would be dead now if you weren't good. You had plenty of opportunities to kill me and you haven't. That says a lot. Actions speak louder than words. So open your eyes and see what is around you. Because I am seeing the good that you are blind to."

Again that sounded just like some thing his real mother would tell him. He smiled weakly at her. Did she just make a break through with him? Maybe...Maybe not. Only time would tell. But for some one reason Ana was the only one that could say things like this to him and he believe her. He actually believed her. He looked down when he heard her sobbing silently. As he forced her look him the eyes then...and he wiped away her tears. Edward was still hugging her when the lights came back on and air vent above them blew out cool air. He felt it on his himself and opened his eyes and smiled. At least she would now not be hot. He let go of the hug then. And back away from her. "I think the power's on.." He whispered. He didn't hug her much. But when he did, he made sure it really meant some thing. He was still edgy about himself though. But with what she said, might have gave him a little bit of hope.....

He looked at her and smiled kindly at her. To let her know that he heard all that she just said. And he was not ignoring her. He wanted to hear what she was telling him. His parents were so busy now a days that he never got soft comments like the ones Ana just gave him. At least she thought he was good. He wished that everyone would see vampires as Ana did. Well, maybe not all vampires were good. But his family was. And if the people of Forks would just see that they were true to their word then why would they have to hide any thing? But that was not the case with humans. That made Edward slightly annoyed. That he would have to live like an out sider for the rest of his life. And only having a few know the real him....

"Thank you. For giving me another chance. And forgiving me....I see it in your eyes that you mean what you say when you say it. You don't know what it means for me to hear those things you just said to me..." It was true! He was actually opening himself up to her now. His own fear about her was leaving. He didn't care what he did in the past. He knew he did the right thing and saved her. He knew he was meant to know her. She was his sister. And he would keep his promise and protect her as long as she was alive...."And I won't stop protecting you...I'll make sure you are safe and sound. Even if that means that you move to Italy with me...." He was actually giving her a head up. That if she wanted to go on and move out.....She would have a place to fall....

[anastasia90]

Ana looked up at the light as it flickered on and the air cut on. It felt all too soon when Edward pulled away from her. She stood there in the middle of the room and dropped her hands to her side before looking at him and then down to the floor. "I guess so." She spoke softly with a small smile gracing her lips. Would it be bad to say she wished he hadn't pulled away. She didn't get much affection from anyone. She was a human and her family were vampires. They were scared to hurt her. It was understandable. She wasn't mad, but as a girl going through everything, she wanted that human contact with the people that she cared about most. She couldn't get that if they didn't want to be within five feet of her. It was slightly disheartening.

Anastasia looked up at him, her eyes as warm as her smile. "I wouldn't say them if I didn't mean it. If they weren't the truth." She never lied to Edward. She didn't have to. SHe could be real with him, not like most other people. He knew her best and she knew him. They were like two peas in a pod, the perfect twins. Then he offered her a place in Italy with him and Brooke. Her eyes shot up to look at his face from where they had been glued to the floor. "Are you serious?" sHe asked. She wanted so much to go with him. She couldn't jeopardize this family. Not anymore. But then another thought hit her. "Edward, the Volturi. What if they want to finish the job? What if they decide I should be dead? They come after me you can't stop them because you are bound to them." She explained her fear. When she had left Italy, she had intended to never return. And now she was being offered a place to stay in the same place her parents had died.

[edwardcullen]

"I guess so." "I wouldn't say them if I didn't mean it. If they weren't the truth." "Are you serious?" "Edward, the Volturi. What if they want to finish the job? What if they decide I should be dead? They come after me you can't stop them because you are bound to them."

"You've been hanging around Carlisle to much. But, you're right. I can't do that to you. I can't take you there. I can't do anything for you. Just face it it Ana...What good am I to you if I can't do any thing for you...? He was serious. He was angry at himself. He hated himself more than ever before. He hated to show his emotions but he would show them when he needed. Carlisle knew that all too well. Edward was not one to have emotional out burst. Some thing seriously bad would have to happen before he would. Like for instance if Bella had died and he could have saved her...That was rip him apart.

"I'm sorry....But if there is no other place for you to fall, then you would be with me I'd give you that much...That is all I can give you for now." He looked at her and walked back up to her. But there was only so much of a humans smell he could handle. He saw her fear in her eyes. She really did hate the Volturi. Did she hate him for being one? No, he knew she did not hate him. But now she knew why he was one in the first place. And Edward was beginning to think that the only reason Aro did this was to keep Edward away from Forks....As long as possible. Sure Edward got to visit but how long did that last?

Not long..But Aro was good at blocking his mind off from Edward that Edward could not read the man's mind even if his life depended on it..."Please, don't hate me." He had to hear her say it. He was so messed up right now that he was not surprised that in the next month he would be killing humans. He couldn't do that simply because that was not who he was. Everyone knew how Edward stood on the whole vampire subject. He was still against what about what he was. That's why he was who he was. And if any one tried to change him then they would have to do a lot really change him...

[anastasia90]

Ana could feel her anger flare as he said he was no use to her. She bit her lip as she breathed in deep trying to calm herself. "Don't you dare say that." The words came out with an ice cold tone. Her eyes locked on his and they seemed to flare with her growing anger. "You are not worthless. You have saved my life. I would not be here without you. So if that means you are worthless to me then maybe you need to re-prioritize. I don't think you are worthless and you need to stop thinking that way. What about Brooke, what would she say if she heard you say that? You mean more to people than you think you do. And to be honest it hurts that you say those things. You have no idea the impact you make on our lives." SHe turned from him abruptly sending her hair twirling around her before she walked back to the window and put her hand on the glass before making a fist. She exhaled making the glass fog up. She was angry. Angry that he couldn't see his worth. She bit her lip again and closed her eyes. "Why can't you see that you mean something to people?" She whispered as she tilted her head down until her forehead began to rest on the glass. She could feel the tears rising in her eyes, threatening to spill over to run down her cheeks.

Anastasia nodded and looked at him. "I would love to be where you are. I know it won't be as safe as here. But I think it would be okay. Really, I am scared. But I know you and Brooke wouldn't let anything happen. So I would just have to remember that." She smiled softly. She wanted to let him know she was trying. SHe really was. She needed to try to get over this fear.

When those four words came out of Edward's mouth, Ana spun around and looked him full in the face. "Hate you?" She asked confused. "Why would I hate you. Sure, you could piss me off or make me cry, but I could never hate you. You are my twin, my superman, my brother. I wouldn't be where I am now without you. No, I don't hate you. And you better get that out of your head that I could even try to hate you. Because I have tried, I can't. So I gave up on trying. I love you. And that won't change." She didn't know how he would react to being lectured by a human. It probably wouldn't sit well with him. She was after all seventeen and he was over 100 years old, despite his teenage looks.