Your Presence Always Lingers (OPEN)

[bella]

Waking to warmth outside her comforter, a sleepy Bella turned the other way under her covers. A slight groan was muffled by the sheets as her rather annoying alarm clock reminded her of just how early school was. Sighing, she kept her eyes closed as she swung her arm out from under the covers to hit the snooze button. Still half-asleep, she realized the sun was shining and immediately her thoughts went to Edward. He wouldn’t be at school today, and he wouldn’t be showing his face anywhere around here until after sun-down. That made getting up for school even more difficult as she now had nothing to look forward to.

The thought to just stay home and sleep was all too appealing, but the knocking on her door meant Charlie disagreed. “Bells, wake up! You’re gonna be late.” That was how these mornings went. A late night with Edward, and an early morning for school. She hated that he didn’t need sleep…it really wasn’t fair. Eyes still closed, a small smile stretched across her face as she thought of him; thought of how perfect he was. His smile…his lips…his eyes…everything. A soft sigh of content was left under the sheets as she slowly opened her eyes to a new day in Forks. It wouldn’t be all too bad without him at school. They only had a couple months left before graduation…and having survived his disappearance from Forks, she knew one day wouldn’t be too bad.

Drawing the covers back, she sat up in bed, clicking the alarm off before the annoying beeping started again. After a much-needed stretch, Bella hopped into the shower, and within forty-five minutes, she was ready for another day of senior classes. Grabbing a quick breakfast bar from the pantry, she grabbed her bag and headed out the door. “Bye!” She yelled back to Charlie before closing the front door and making her way towards her truck. Shaking the last bit of sleepiness from her, she climbed in the front seat and started towards school…all the while, enjoying the heat and sun that caused her love to hide in shadows, and stay away from Forks High School. Lucky.

As she rolled into the parking lot, her heart sunk as both the Volvo and the Wrangler were gone from sight. She wanted nothing more to be out there with them, but conflictions were keeping her at bay. While the thought of no more parents seemed to obviously appeal to her, she loved Charlie, Renee, and even Phil, and knew saying goodbye to them would be harder than she anticipated. Of course, Edward was completely content with her staying her normal, clumsy self…but the thought of aging without him wasn’t something Bella wanted to think about. In that moment, her mind brushed to Jacob and the perfection he had become. His love for her was just as strong as Edward’s, and she felt it every time he was near. Sure, he was younger in years, but now their playful count stood at Bella 46, Jacob 49. He was a lot smarter and more mature than most would probably give him credit for. That was half the reason she loved him as much as she did.

Inhaling deeply, she parked in her assigned space and just sat there for a moment. The desire to skip school ran more and more, but she knew she would regret it this close to the end. A couple rows over, she saw Jessica, Mike, Angela, and Eric standing together probably talking about their weekend adventures. Grabbing her stuff, she got out of her truck and began to walk towards them, figuring she might as well be as social as possible while Edward and the rest of the Cullens were out…secretly wanting the bell to ring soon so she didn’t have to say much.

[WHITNEY!]

Every morning he pried his dark eyes open to search the air for a piece of hope- hope that everything would be different than what they were now; a hope that made everyone happy and pleased everyone equally. The sun filled his tiny room through the nearly opaque windows just above his bed. With his large brown eyes, he blinked twice and then rolled back over, crawling back beneath that same thin blanket he slept wrapped in every night. His head was filled with an uncomfortable pressure and it settled itself between those eyes of his. The feeling was familiar, and burned within him everyday, but not only in his brain; it burned through out his body, radiating a negative essence no matter what the subject he pondered. It often ran through his already boiling veins. Nighttime was the worst, especially when he tried to sleep. The more he dreamt of her and thought about how wonderful it would be to even catch a fleeting glimpse of her from a distance, the harder it pushed and drilled into his skull.

Moaning as the pressure continued, Jacob closed his eyelids and shut them as tight as he could. He ached for a full-night of rest, with out her face permanently sleeping on the insides of his eyelids. Etched into his every thought was something about her. Cocking his head back to gaze out of the window, Jacob rest his hands above his head on the pillow. The world suddenly slowed down as his thoughts consumed him. She had run off after that moron, after he had blatantly left her alone- to grow old and become more miserable than she already was; she was just as idiotic as he was horrible. Why could she not see that he had left her, with out any real second thoughts of the repercussions? Why was she so… blind?

Mustering up the energy he slowly sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. The floorboards were chilled, but he could tell no difference. His warm blood kept him from feeling literal cold, but in all honesty, not even his shifting blood could keep him shielded from the cold loneliness and shear chill of Bella choosing to take over that filthy bloodsucker. Not only did he plan on sucking the life out of Bella, but he planned to take her soul- both things were of great value to Jacob. Those thoughts created shivers, which were never released through his body but still lingered in his spinal region. Shaking all the negative thoughts from his head, he wished for everything about her to leave him… or did he?

Dragging himself from his bed to the shower ended up to be useful in pleasing his headache, but only very slightly. The warm water ran through his hair and down his body, waking him up as the hot liquid actually felt slightly cool to him. Ten minutes later, he was out and completely dressed in his standard attire of a black t-shirt and blue jeans. Jacob slipped into a pair of tennis shoes just before he grabbed for his keys to the little red Rabbit.

He had no idea of where he was going to go, and having conflicting emotions did not help make any decision easy for him. Even his friends and pack mates could get him to be his usual self, and they disliked it. Embry and Quil still teased him about Bella, but they had been keeping the jokes light (or even veiled) lately because everything about Bella seemed to stop Jacob’s heart. And it nearly did. Why would she not see how much she was suffering, because Jacob could see it- hell, he even felt her pain.

The trees passed quickly as the tires tread the pavement. His hands gripped the steering wheel as even more familiar emotions crept over him. Jacob’s eyes sat in his head, watching the road before him with much ease, but all positive emotion had taken over. Nearly furled eyebrows sat above those chestnut eyes as the tears started welling up behind them. Wishing ever so much to have Bella by his side; with him- with her soul and with all of her beauty in its entirety wrapped in his arms- to be his. Lapsing back into reality, Jacob Black blinked and noticed himself to be within the vicinity of Forks High School… one place he consciously did not wish to be. And, of course, all of its students were still outside.

His eyes rolled over the crowd of unfamiliar faces and, magnetically, stopped on that old orange truck he recognized so easily. That strong heart of his suddenly felt weak, and yet it beat so wildly against his ribcage. The fresh breath he had breathed in only moments before had escaped him, and his stomach sank further into his body. Why did I come here? He had yet to see her since she left, and thought it nearly killed him, Jacob could not bring himself to even want to. Another breath escaped him as he saw her truck door shut and she emerged- the one person who could do so much for him, whether it was make him happy or tear him apart. He just sat in his car, with out a real idea as to what to do.

To approach or not, it was really that simple. He either wanted to, or he did not. Jacob William Black could not even move. His eyes stayed stuck to her.

[bella]

The days had been long for sure. That had been putting it lightly. Since her and Edward’s arrival back in Forks from Volterra, she hadn’t much spoke to Edward, let alone Jacob. In several ways she regretted it because there were aches in her heart that lingered, but she knew a confrontation with either one of them wouldn’t be pleasant. She was only prolonging the inevitable, but she didn’t care. In reality, all she wanted to do was walk in silence to her class, but she knew putting her friends on the back burner wasn’t a smart decision...especially given the circumstances with where her other relationships laid. It wasn’t that Charlie was mad at her, he was just disappointed. After all that time healing, she had just ran back to Edward with open arms, without even taking a second glance at the situation. As cliché as it sounded, it was something that only she and Edward could understand.

For a moment, Bella’s muscles tensed up as she thought of all the chaos and drama that was surrounding her with Edward and Jacob. It was a frustrating situation to be in, to say the least. Edward was everything she ever wanted. His passion and protection was so intense that it sent shivers down her spine every time his golden eyes pressed upon her. And it wasn’t just her being love-struck. Other’s noticed it too. Her friends at school…Charlie…even Jacob. She knew Jacob understood that Edward loved her. He would never try to disprove that…but she knew there was that underlying edge with Jacob. He hated the man she loved and that made it incredibly difficult for her to remain close to him. Somehow they did it though…somehow they always made up and stuck by each other through smiles.

A small smirk curled on her lips as she thought of each of them…a warm affection in her eyes for both. Her eyes lifted from the pavement and towards her group of friends which were still a small distance away. None of them had caught site of her yet, so she kept her pace fairly slow. That was when she saw the familiar frame of an old friend’s car. A slight pain graced her heart as she saw Jacob in the front seat, looking like someone had just beaten him hopeless. Bella’s eyes lingered for a moment before turning away. What was he doing here? He was the last person she expected to see here.

Slowing her tread towards her group, she glanced once more at the man in the driver’s seat. He must have felt her gaze for his eyes met hers in a hard, unexplainable gaze. Emotions poured through silence as Bella felt her heart falter in its pattern. Her blood began to run a little warmer, as her mind raced with what to do. Their eyes remained locked for another moment, but Bells finally had to look away for a moment. He had been ignoring all of her calls…hadn’t once bothered to even try to make a connection. And, now here he was…unable to move and make a decision. In that moment, her mind flashed back to a couple months ago…at how close they were. How their companionship felt so perfect together. How his warm hand would grasp hers every now and then, even though she wasn’t completely ready for it. How his dark eyes calmed her every time she saw them…

Her fist clenched and she closed her eyes. Grabbing a rather tight hold of one of the straps on her bookbag, she began towards his car. She had no idea what she was going to say, but she knew this might be her only chance for a while to at least try and make things right. He was her best friend, and becoming more. She couldn’t let their friendship fade away. She cared for him too much to just say ‘whatever’ and move on. Exhaling into the warm air, she finally closed the space between them. His window was down, so she took the risk of speaking first. Though, when she tried…her voice came out a lot weaker than she had hoped. “Hey…” She couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with him this close, so she just leaned against his car and stared inside briefly. In reality, she had no idea what else to say. She wanted to ask him where he had been, why he hadn’t returned her calls, how he was doing, how the Pack was, but she had no idea where to start. Finding her voice once more, she asked shyly, “How are you?” There was pure nervousness in her words for she had no idea what he was thinking or feeling. She just stood and waited, her heart aching for his forgiveness.

[WHITNEY!]

Being away from her did not stop the magnetic friction between the two of them. He could feel it, even watching her from such a distance. The tow of her allure was nearly impossible to pull away from. He struggled to drag her eyes off of her as he struggled for his breath. As he lingered on her, his thoughts wrapped around her fragile body, and those visions only spurred more thoughts. He could see his wishes and dreams being played out before him, from the seat in the car. She was walking toward him, so eager to wrap her arms around his lonely, warm body. Her smile cracked up her cheeks, and it was a smile made just for him. There was no Edward; there was nothing to come between them. There was nothing but happiness, and intertwined fingers as they walked together.

Shaking his head from side to side, Jacob emerged from his dream world yet again. Somewhere between the end of his daydream and his reality check, Jacob realized it could never be- at least as long as Cullen was around… or as long Bella made it that way. Why wouldn’t she try and sort it all out? Why was she so content with Edward and a life of unending misery? Jacob shook that thought from his head as well, knowing it was almost futile to even think that way anymore. Bella Swan had her mind made up obviously, and after her latest escapade Jacob knew it was a concrete point. She has always been so damn stubborn.

Maintaining his sight on her, they grew larger as he felt himself make eye contact with her. Of course she would pick me out of an entire parking lot of people and cars. Regret started to run down his spine, and he suddenly felt nervous and uncomfortable. He should not have come here, and he still did not understand why he had driven himself to her school. It was not like Bella would have transferred schools; much less skip school for the day, conveniently, just so he could drive himself to her school.

Their gaze was hard- causing his mind to freeze, relieving the pain between his eyes. He could not talk, and he could not breathe, and movement was not an option. No matter how much he wanted to look away from her, he could not. It was something he had wanted to do for the longest time; just looking at her made him happy. At the same time, it made him sick. Everything that was real was unbearable for him. To Jacob, Bella had no real regard for him.

Finally he tore his eyes from her and just burned a hole into the center of his steering wheel. She had caught sight of him and, in knowing Isabella Swan, Jacob knew she would be approaching him. Heading swaying side to side once more, Jacob half wished her to stop and turn back, to go back to her friends, and keep on with her day. He would only ruin her day, he was sure of it. That was all he seemed to do… why else would she run away if it was not him? If she truly loved him as he felt she did, why else would she runaway to save such a cold, horrible being such as Edward Cullen?

There was no way to rationalize it at all, and once again there was no point in attempting to do so. The young shifter continued to sit in his car, staring into the leather-covered steering wheel. He could hear her footsteps growing louder over the pavement. In his peripheral vision, her figure grew closer and closer. He could not catch an efficient, full, helpful breath no matter how deeply he prayed for one. Half of him wanted to talk to her, and the other half simply protested it. She had broken him so many times he had lost count and that latter side of him knew it was only going to happen again and again. The process of Bella and her actions were growing all too familiar to him, as if he, Jacob Black, was meant to be stuck in the one place in her life he did not want to be. And yet he should be thankful he was in her life at all... but he was not.

Every time he thought of her, or anything about her, his heart felt light. His body always relaxed and he felt as though the only things surrounding him were the endless sky and the soft clouds. She made his heart beat wildly, and his breath escape his lungs, and yet he felt as though he could breathe so clearly. Everything he saw was seen so clear. Nothing could bother him and nothing could make him happier.

“Why me?” Closing his eyes so tightly, Jacob whispered to himself before she arrived at his window. Regretting he had driven with his window down, Jacob knew he had put himself in an awkward situation before her words left her tongue. Teeth clenched together and his brows furled, Jacob froze mid-breath as her voice swam into his ears. Eye contact was out of the question; gazing into her eyes would only hurt him further at this point. Thousands of questions could be asked, and millions of words could be said, but Jacob could not think of asking any of them, nor speak any of the words to her. It did not feel right to him.

But what type of being would he be if he sat in silence? How would that make him any different than the one who had run away from Bella? Was his warm nature the only thing that made him different from Edward Cullen? Jacob angled his head toward her and his heart began to beat again- as if she gave him real, true life. His face was still molded into a certain seriousness. His only words were, “I’m fine. And you?”

[bella]

Bella could feel the sun beaming down on her as she leaned lightly against his car. Even if they weren’t on the best of terms, she knew he wouldn’t care. In all honesty, she missed the warmth of the sun…missed how vibrant and happy it made you feel after being in it for a while. But, she knew a life with Edward meant little to no sun…at least not while others were around. That was easily a sacrifice she would make to be with him. It wasn’t that big of a deal…never seeing her family or those she loved again was the big factor that was making her hesitant. Charlie, Renee, and even Phil would be heartbroken if after graduation she just disappeared, never to be seen again. And what would happen if they came looking for her? What if they caught wind of what she had become? The thought broke her heart as she stared off above Jacob’s car, her mind in a million places while she waited for him to answer. His words were short, and she really hadn’t been expecting much more. She had hurt him beyond the reason of words, and now she was approaching him for the first time since. Of course it was going to be awkward and short.

She swallowed a little hard though as she tried to feel for words that weren’t there. She really didn’t know what to say because she didn’t know how she was. Usually the formal answer would be, ‘fine’ or ‘doing well’…but those phrases just didn’t seem to fit in this situation. She wasn’t doing fine and she certainly wasn’t doing well. So what did she tell him? The words that came out of her were not the ones she was expecting. In fact, they had no relevance to the question at hand. “I’m sorry…” She spoke, her voice weak and nervous. In that moment, all she wanted was for his strong, warm arms to be around her…hugging her, telling her that everything would be okay. But, she knew the situation, and that was one of the least likely things to happen.

Her heart raced erratically…unsure of what to say or do. Her words were genuine…but were they enough? She had no idea and the thought to just run was sounding more and more appealing. But, she knew that wouldn’t solve anything. Regardless of whether she fled or stayed, she missed her best friend and she wanted him back. Her hands found the pockets of her jeans as she somewhat awkwardly shifted the weight in her feet so her body was angled towards him. “Can we talk?” She asked, her eyes finally meeting his gaze. What she saw tore her to shreds. In that one glimpse, she saw just how much hurt she had caused him, and it made her own heart ache. Their eyes only met for a moment before she was distracted by a bell ringing in the background. It was the warning bell that signaled first period would be starting in two minutes. Turning back to Jacob, she bit lightly at her lower lip, struggling to decide whether to go or stay. Ultimately, it would be his choice, but for the moment, she remained silent.

[WHITNEY!]

Deep regret had settled into every inch of his body- every piece of muscle and thick bone was overrun with a nearly hateful lament as he sat, stewing in his emotions. The only thing he wanted was standing right beside of him, leaning toward him and nearly requesting his forgiveness. Was it really his to give? Did he own the proper forgiveness to give to Bella Swan, after all she had done to him? After all the times she had destroyed him thus far- did Jacob even have the energy to do so? He wondered quietly if he did forgive her right now, would it really change anything. His heart rate sped up as he continued to ponder the situation before him. There were possibly no words or actions that could sooth him, unless she was bringing him news of her detachment from Edward Cullen.

His eyes looked her over- she was still human. The sun was beating down on her body, illuminating her beauty far more than any other natural element could. She belonged in the sunlight. She belonged in the warmth… in his arms. Maintaining his stern facial expression, Jacob continued to gaze at her. His eyes were not moving, and they would follow her every move, as if locked or glued to her. This was not going to be easy, as if it ever really was with Bella Swan. His heart belonged to her, and he would never give up. He had been born to chase her, her soul, and her delicate heart.

Her voice danced from the back of her tongue, and through her soft, pink lips. Unintentionally, as that last syllable left her mouth, Jacob’s echoed after her softly. “Sorry just isn’t good enough.” Dejected eyes sat gazing ahead of him as his head turned straight on his neck once more. How easy it would have been for Jacob to take her words to heart; he wanted to… but he could not. Pains twisted through his body, and began to grind into his heart further. “I…” A short-lived breath prevented him from speaking for a moment. Look at her Jake.

With one swift moment he looked at her again and the image softened his face. He was still covered in anger, but the sadness began to creep over him in its place. She knew that she had hurt him, but did she even fully understand or even nearly comprehend the amount of suffering she caused him? No other human being on this earth- past, present, or future- would allow himself to lull in such agony over her. And he could kick himself for allowing this, but he could not stop it. He loved her, with everything he was, and he felt it everyday as it slowly began destroying him.

It was a hard choice, to take the time and hear what she had to say or not. Truly, he did not have to think twice; his kind heart did not allow him to just push her aside, and it never would. Jacob shook his head slowly at himself as he continued to look at her. Beneath his skin, his blood ran quickly through his body and his heart danced wildly. Longing to feel her touch, he suddenly felt weak. Behind her, the bell rang, and he half-expected her to turn and leave, but she did not.

“If you want to talk,” He sighed in a low growl. “Get in the car.”

[bella]

His slight attack as she tried to apologize made her knees weak and she had to once more lean against the car. Everything they had become was shattering before her eyes and she had no idea how to stop it. Well, that was false. She knew exactly how to stop it, but…that meant giving up Edward. And both of them knew that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. It pained her to see him like this and the brief thought of just giving up and walking away ran through her mind. If she just disappeared, he wouldn’t have to worry about her putting him through anymore pain. That last sting would eventually fade to nothing and he would be free to move on with his life. It scared her to think about losing him, but…torturing him wasn’t exactly being fair. She wouldn’t be selfish and demand his friendship through numerous heartbreaks. Eventually, it had to stop. And she hated to admit it, but maybe now was the best time.

Thoughts blurred through her mind as she looked from Jacob to the school, knowing the seconds were just counting down for a decision. Either she was skipping school, or she wasn’t. And as he spoke, she chose the first option. Though his words were still rather short and emotionless, she would take it over the cold shoulder. It showed that he at least wanted to try and work things out. For that, she was thankful, and she moved quickly to the passenger side of the car and got in. The last thing she needed was for an administrator to see her getting into a car this close to the beginning of first period. If that didn’t scream ‘I’m skipping’ she wasn’t sure what did.

Her heart was beating hard in her chest as she sat beside him in silence. She really didn’t know what to say, but she knew if she hadn’t said anything before…he would have just left. Brown eyes focused on the road as Jake started his car and pulled out of the parking lot towards who knows where. At this point, she didn’t care, but she was sure it would be somewhere where they would both be out of sight from Alice, so out of ear-shot from Edward.

It was apparent in his driving that he was angry and upset. His speed was quite a bit faster than normal, but she chose to leave the subject alone. She knew, even in this state, he wouldn't hurt her. Regardless of how frustrated and mad at her she was, he still loved her…and that was enough to keep her trust in him solid.

They sped off towards the Reservation in silence. Inhaling deeply, she finally worked up the courage to speak. “Jake, I couldn’t just let him die.” Her eyes looked towards him, but he was solely focused on the road. “You know I had to go…” Obviously there wasn’t much of an easy way to bring the subject up, so…she figured she’d just start up where she could. Trying to make him see the reasoning in her leaving was her first approach. She knew it wasn’t going to be an easy one, but had to at least try nonetheless. Even just to get him talking to her would be a good start. She waited her eyes on him though his were elsewhere. “This isn’t easy for me either, Jake…” And it was the truth. Did he think she enjoyed tormenting him as she did? Did he think she got some sort of pleasure out of breaking his heart over and over again? She knew if he just looked at her, he would see that she was genuinely sorry about everything, and that she did love him. But, she knew he wouldn’t. Because he knew that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to stay mad at her any longer. But, his anger was his shield…and he stayed hidden behind it in situations like these. She couldn’t much blame him though. If the situation were reversed, she was sure she’d end up doing the exact same thing. It was all one could do to stay sane with emotion instead of spilling into depression…or worse…

[WHITNEY!]

The anger surging through him would be there just as long as Edward Cullen was present in any part of his life- and as long as Bella continued to stand by the vampire’s side. Gripping the steering wheel as tight as he could, Jacob sat and stewed in silence as she weighed her options. Many echoes of his own voice screamed in his head for her to get in the car and go with him, and they were soon followed by a large amount of noise suggesting he just run away with her; the voices tried to persuade him to just drive until he could not drive anymore. He wanted Bella to realize there was more to life than Edward and the other Cullens; most of all, he wanted to know that there was him. It seemed as though she over-looked him in the most important of situations, as if he was expendable.

The moment between his instruction and her decision seemed to last for an eternity. Time slowed again and the only sounds he could hear were their breaths and their hearts. Anyone could have said their hearts were simply beating at such a quick pace because they were nervous to be around each other, but it was much more than that. They were two halves of a whole- a whole that would remain split apart. He knew their hearts were beating hastily together because they belonged that way. Once more he shook his head softly, pushing his thoughts away but keeping quiet.

Relief ran over him when the passenger’s door shut, but he could not smile. His cheeks and lips did not move; they only sat on his face dwelling in that same sad expression she often brought over him. Her vampires were going to know where she was, but Jacob could not push himself to care in any way right then. With out hesitation, he backed out of the parking space and pushed the gas petal to the floor. The thought of the car ride being relatively silent were ridiculous. Jacob soon found himself listening to Bella’s pleas and excused once more. He kept his cheerless eyes focused on the road and maintained a rather calm breathing pattern.

“You could have, Bella.” The cold words broke his silence. There had never been a time in his life when Jacob William Black wished for someone to be dead. Here he was, in the same situation Bella always pulled him to. She could plead and excuse and cry at him all she wanted, but Jacob would always know she did not have to go after Edward Cullen. There was no real force making her crawl after him. It was pathetic and sick; Jacob’s stomach churned uneasily again.

“There was no one holding a gun to your head and threatening to kill you was there?” Russet eyes tore away from the road for just one moment, to make contact with hers. You will never understand.

Biting his lower lip in attempt to keep his temper under control, Jacob returned to focusing on driving. His plan had been just to drive until he ended up where his thoughts had taken him, but that was exactly what had put him in this situation again. The beach was just ahead and he could already feel the sea breeze feeling his lungs in a slightly refreshing sense. He pulled the car off of the road, in complete silence. Part of him wished she would not speak anymore, but he knew better. Putting the car in park and twisting the key out of the ignition, Jacob turned to her.

He would not let her get to him, he swore. He would not let her eyes and her smile- much less her tainted words work their magic with in him anymore. Or that was what he tried to convince himself of. The anger began to regress, but he wanted to hold on to it as long as he could. She could not hurt him if he was too angry to let her speak, but his knees grew weak as he faced her. Another long paused passed over them, and he forced himself from the car in that same silence. “Bella…” He wanted to retort, but could not bring himself to do so. Beginning toward the beach from the car, Jacob walked slowly as if that cold from this morning had crept over him once more.

[bella]

It didn’t take long before Bella recognized where Jake was driving the two of them. The salty, slightly humid air was enough to know they were heading towards First Beach. Memories began to pour through her mind of the numerous days they had spent there after Edward’s disappearance. The beach had been their place to hang out when the sun was shining and they were tired of the piles of homework from school. It had been their place. No one else was ever around and they could just lie together in the sand and enjoy each other’s company…talking about everything at once and nothing at all.

Her eyes closed, and she steadied herself for a moment, turning as if she were looking out the window. She missed those days…more than anything; his arms around her, lying against him as they gazed out at the water. Her muscles tensed for a moment as she bit at her lower lip to keep calm. Her heart pounded, making her slightly light-headed from the amount of work it did to keep her blood pulsing through her veins. She could herself become emotional to a point of tears and she let out a frustrated sigh. That was when he finally spoke, but it was nothing she wanted to hear. Of course he would want Edward dead…

“No, Jacob. There wasn’t.” Already, Bella was becoming irritated with this subject. They were both too damn stubborn to understand each other. Both of them thought they were right, and neither would back down. “But, I love him, Jacob.” She knew it would sting, but he needed to hear it. “Just like if you were to run to your death, I would come after you too…” At this point, her emotions were beginning to grow a little more and she could feel a salty sting at her eyes. Not because of the beach air they were coming up on. No…tears were fighting their way forward. She bit down hard on her lower lip though…she wouldn’t allow it. Not in front of him. If he could hold such a mean demeanor, so could she. The remainder of the ride was in silence until they finally got to First Beach. Jake was the first one out of the car, but Bella soon followed. He spoke her name as if to make a smart comment, but then he retracted and walked towards the water.

For a moment, she just watched him, watched his muscular frame grow smaller and smaller as he walked away. It was clear to her that he wasn’t going to let this go, and therefore, would never fully heal. A sigh escaped her throat as she ran a hand through her hair, slowly walking after him. She finally caught up with him at the shoreline, and she stood beside him. She wasn’t sure what to say. Regardless of what she said, he was going to retaliate with something hurtful until he calmed down. For the moment, she thought it best to just wait it out…but, something over-took her…

“He’s a part of me, Jacob. He always will be…” She wasn’t quite sure she wanted to finish this thought, but she knew it had to be said. “And…if you want me to walk away, I will.” It wasn’t meant as a literal walk away and both of them knew it. It was a permanent disappearance from one another’s life. Obviously, Bella didn’t want that…but at this point, she didn’t know what else to say. If he so chose that path, then she would honor it…though her heart hoped with all it’s might that he wouldn’t.

[WHITNEY!]

The waves rolled over each other and crashed on the shoreline. There was no longer any look of sadness or hatred laced with in the color strands of his eyes. His face was blank. Every millimeter of his body was numb; he was frozen in place. He wanted to push forward in time, with this conversation ending, and the cycle of the usual Bella-Jacob relationship to restart itself. The remaining amounts of energy he had been using to keep himself together left him as yet another set of waves crashed in front of him. Reality set back in and the familiar thoughts returned. When he was gone, they had been so close. Smiles mirrored each other, and they gazed with that twin look of happiness. How they sat together, studied together, and breathed together spilled over him again.

Though she said she would run after him, Jacob knew it was nothing but a lie. Across his chest grew a tighter feeling than any he had felt before; an opposing laugh escaped his lungs. He waited until they were on the beach to even begin forming a reaction to her. “Bella,” His eyes still sat on the ocean front. Though his anger was still dissipating, he could still feel that hostile warmth coursing slowly through his veins. How could someone make him so happy, yet so angry at the same time? And if this was the only thing he would feel around her, did Jacob really wish to live this sort of life? “You would not, and you know you wouldn’t.”

His own words slashed at what was left of his defense. Fist clenched tight by his sides, he finally turned to her. Locked eyes only thickened the air between them; hearing word of where her affections fully lied only hurt him again. Blow after blow Bella would continue, until Jacob Black was nothing but a sad old man in her ever-lasting life of happiness. “You would be too God damn consumed in hm to even realize I was gone!” The harsh, spiteful words left his mouth sharply, representing what was left of his anger.

Head shaking rapidly from side to side as she continued on, Jacob’s fist grew tighter and tighter. He would not harm her because he never could do so, but running away to his death certainly sounded like a good option. Another laugh breached his lips. “You do what you want.” This is nothing but a battle he could never win. The poor boy’s heart could not take it anymore no matter how much he wanted to pull her into his chest and beg her not to leave. It would hurt him if she left. “But just know if you walk away,” He growled low once more though anger was not present. His eyes had softened and his fist unclenched. Jacob Black caved in once more. “You will be sending me to my death.”

[bella]

In the distance, Bella could hear the waves crashing against the shore and it somewhat calmed her. This was obviously not an easy conversation for the both of them, but she knew it needed to happen. Her hands remained buried in her light jacket pockets as she stood beside him, her dark eyes fixated on the water. His words clawed at her, tearing her apart in every way possible. Wounds she never had only felt once before were re-opening; the same wounds that Edward had caused when he had left. Every word he spoke dripped with venom as his anger rose and then fell again. Bella just stood in silence, no words making comprehension in her mind. She knew that wasn’t true…how could he even say that? Of course she would run after him…

“You would be too God damn consumed in him to even realize I was gone!”

Every muscle in her body tensed as his claws pierced once more. At this point, he might as well have been in his wolf form…at least then he could physically tear her to shreds. Her eyes darkened as he gaze fell to the wet sand beneath them, her own emotions beginning to get the best of her. They were mixed emotions of anger and hurt…and she had no idea how to deal with him. She was growing anxious as to where this discussion would lead, but she tried to keep herself composed. It was apparent in her body movements that she didn’t like this…and she wanted more than anything to change the subject. That was when she felt the anger fade from his body and a softer tone ring through the humid air. Of course, it was still filled with hurt and sadness, but it was no longer thrashing.

Finally, and with much hesitation, she turned her gaze to him. Even at this distance, she could feel the heat off his body…the warmth she longed to be near. “Jake…” Her voice was soft as her eyes met his. Her mind wanted to add something to what she had started, but her heart said no. Not now. The anger had faded from him, and for the moment…he was just Jake again. Her heart fluttered wildly as she bit at her lower lip, hesitating for a moment. But, soon enough, she closed the space between them and let her hands briefly touch his sides. She wasn’t sure a hug was quite appropriate, but she wanted to be close to him. In reality, she had no idea what to say…but she knew actions spoke louder than words. So there she stood…near him, but unable to bring herself to look at him. Her heart was pounding, once more making her feel slightly light-headed. It amazed her that even after an argument to that magnitude…he could still make her feel like this without even trying.

Her muscles once more locked up as she finally looked up at him. She was still unable to piece together a sentence, so she just remained quiet. If anything, her eyes spoke the words she was unable to form. How she was sorry, and how she cared for him, and how she hated to hurt him like this. She hoped, above anything, that he knew it wasn’t intentional. And she was fairly sure he did, but even so…it didn’t make the situation any easier to handle. Time would heal all wounds…or so she hoped…

[WHITNEY!]

Not even the sound of the waves, the thought of neither the water, nor the fresh air could truly calm him now. His anger had swollen and regressed to somewhat of a smoldering flame with in him, but it was still there. Arms still hanging by his side, Jacob attempted to release his anger in the silence for a moment longer. He was begging and pleading with himself to do so many things- to touch her, to smile at her, to even brush his lips against her cheek. All of his options felt forbidden, but how the desire teased him. The only one regret danced with in his mind; he should have stopped Bella from going.

All of time stopped as he finished snarling at her, suddenly realizing he was acting just like the monster he had been trying not to be. His natural instinct pulled and gnawed at his skin, pinching and ripping at his emotions and muscles. Unable to even feel like his self anymore, the pain rushed back to him suddenly. Everything she had ever done to him, every negative, hurtful thought she had planted into his head… She said she cared, and she said she would run after him, and yet she was always there causing him grief.

“You know,” With gritted teeth he forced the words out. “You honestly think you care for me, but in reality you don’t know really know. You do not know what to even do around me.” The young shifter felt the familiar burning behind his eyes, but he swallowed the feeling. Bella needed to hear it all, everything that was on his mind. He was ready to continue talking, but as her hands slowly settled on his side, Jacob’s breath left him. “Every time you-“

This was what he had dreamt about so many nights. Her touch and its smooth, calming essence filled him. His anger left him, fleeting quickly into the distance of the ocean’s end as if the feeling was meant to solely ward it all away. Part of Jacob wanted to stay angry with her and stop giving in to everything about her, but he could not. His eyes softened, his face relaxed, and his hands slowly moved to sit on her upper arms. Hands easily encasing the circumference of them, Jacob held them as gently as possible. There was no easy way to admit it to his self: he still loved her.

“Please,” He started to beg out of pure habit. Voice soft and low, his eyes drifted down to her again. One look into her orbs and he would surely fall apart, but he could not care right now. Her touch had easily switched something on inside of him and the true Jacob Black had once more emerged from the pit of darkness the very same girl had put him in. “Do not continue to stand here and tell me everything I already know. If you honestly think I will ever understand what you did, please forget it.”

With out her knowing, he felt right like this. Everything thing in the world was in balance, and their hearts beat together. He felt as though they were one. The sting bit at his eyes again. Forcing them to close for a moment, he pushed the feeling away again and, when he opened them again, her eyes were there. Another shock traveled through his body and he could no longer feel even the slightest bit of anger towards her. “Why do you do this to me?”

[bella]

Wincing as his words drifted to her ears, she listened to them all…staying silent as she did. She wanted the fighting and the arguing to stop. She wanted them to be Bells and Jake like they used to be. The venom in his words was harsh and she hated knowing she caused him so much hurt. It wasn’t as if she meant to, but she was conflicted. And she knew it wasn’t fair to either Jacob or Edward. A soft pain fell in her heart as she realized she would soon have to make a decision. If she didn’t, they would both walk away and she’d be left alone. Sadly, that option was slowly becoming the most rational. The turmoil she had gone through with each one meant that each could not exist in her world without the other. If she was with Jacob, she’d be wondering where Edward was and if she was with Edward, she’d be worried about Jake. It was an endless battle and it pained her to think about it.

Her heart fluttered as she finally felt his warm, strong hands against her skin. Though her body was a little cold compared to normal, she was freezing compared to Jake. In an instant, she felt a warmth rush through her body, calming and soothing her. No words were needed to know that both of them were meant to be like this. It just…it felt right. And Bella hated to admit that to herself. As much as there was something missing when she was with Jake, the same thing applied to Edward. Each one completed her, but in a different way. Her muscles wanted to tense and her body wanted to tremble, but under his touch, she was weak to her anxiety and frustration.

Their eyes finally met and she felt his emotions strike through her. It was pain, sadness, hurt somehow mixed with a brief glimpse of happiness. Her breathing grew rigid as their eyes stayed together, her heart pulsing warm through her veins. She heard him begin to beg for her to not talk about the situation anymore. He was right. He knew everything there was to know and that was all she could do. She couldn’t make him understand it or make him forgive her. It was his decision…she had said her peace. But something just seemed off…something in her just wanted to kiss him, be in his arms and reassure him everything would be okay. But, in all honesty, she didn’t know if it would be or not. The decision of who to choose would be the hardest she ever had to make, and Jake wasn’t making it any easier.

She felt the anger flee his body and she was glad to be rid of it for the moment being. It was just the two of them standing on the beach, like old times. She bit at her lower lip as she closed her eyes for a moment, listening to the waves crashing against the shoreline, inhaling the salty air. It was refreshing in a way and when she opened her eyes, he was still gazing at her.

Why do you do this to me?

It was question she knew she couldn’t answer. And if she tried, it would just bring up another debate about how she wasn’t sorry or how she didn’t care for him. She knew he knew the truth, but when his anger peeked through, all rationality sometimes went out the window. She knew some of it was because of his heightened emotions from his wolf, but she knew the majority of it was because she was constantly breaking him down and then pulling him back up. It was a tiring and endless cycle that she knew would have to be broken at some point. But, for now she didn’t want to think about that. She had finally calmed him down and she just wanted things to be back to the way they were.

Her hands slowly crept up his chest, unintentionally feeling the muscles that were defined perfectly through his shirt. “Jake…” Her voice was soft as she moved closer into his arms, wrapping her arms around him in a loving embrace. She didn’t want him to be sad or upset; she just wanted him to be happy. And that was the truth of it. “I’ve missed you…” She whispered into the hug, closing her eyes…never wanting to let go...

[WHITNEY!]

Returning to the Jacob and Bella from before, when their world was just that- theirs. The world turned and spun in a smooth rotation, with out disturbances. His heart never ached against him and it never caused him irreversible pain. His brain never beat against his skull rapidly and his body never forced him to rest all day. The never-ending strain put on his body continuously sat with him, and it should not. Jacob Black should feel free, almost wild, with his newly awakened soul; he should be off thriving. As her arms encased his chest, his breath escaped him; he should feel happy… right? Her touch always calmed him, but now he felt nearly nervous.

The tension was still there, even though the air between them was lighter. They stood on the sand as the surf beckoned to them. Oh, how he would enjoy having a little fun… with the girl he loved. Glee would fill his chest and his world would once more be back in balance. The more he thought about it all, the more he knew it was right; it was how they were supposed to be. She should be his; he knew it. She should be standing here, in his arms, because she wants to be there- because he loves to feel his warmth. She should be in his arms because she loves him- not Edward Cullen.

As another wave crashed against the moist shore, it hit him. She was standing there, hugging him for the entire world to see. How could she deny him what was rightfully his? He did not feel as though she was a product or some sort of property; Jacob Black could feel it through his body- she was meant to be with him. How could she continue to deny him what was natural? How much longer could he keep himself restrained from what he though might end up driving her away? The feeling coursed and burned through his blood; it would never escape him… even if he wanted it to.

Still drowning in her essence and touch, Jacob found himself staring into her brilliant eyes in an almost dream-like dazed. The pull of attraction was strong and would continuously be so, but Jacob had to resist. Though everything about the situation and his body pushed and pulled him to steal a kiss, he had to stop himself before he could make another mistake. Lips nearly trembling, he bit the lower one and his eyes softened. His emotions were too strong for him to handle, but for Bella’s sake he would try to control them. It was terrible- her teasing him like this. Why? Why even touch me if you don’t want me? Bella, this doesn’t make sense at all!

Her hands ran up his clothed chest, feeling just as soothing as they always had. His dark eyes closed, and he felt a cool breeze of air rush over his warm skin. Along with the smell of the salt water and ocean air filling his nose came her scent. It was over-powering and magnetic all in the same moment. Jacob moved his hands to push back some of her soft, brown hair behind her ears so he could gaze easily at her entire face. The negative thoughts left him once again, as his fingers brushed against her cheeks. He knew why it was so hard to let her go, but he could not admit it to himself quite yet. She was so close to him now, and he was not about to let her go again.

As she rested into his chest, arms around him, he locked his arms around her small frame. His lips rested upon her forehead easily, in attempt to stay with in his boundaries. Her words crept up his spine and snuck into his ears, creating yet another nervous feeling with in his chest. “I…” Beginning to answer, the words slowly shook from his tongue. The grip around her tightened, though he was careful to watch his own strength. “I’ve missed you too, Bella.” Hurt danced eagerly upon his face, waltzing with a large amount of desperation. Jacob began to plead. “Please… understand me. Please understand that I love you, Bella. I love you and I cannot stand being with out you.” This was the first time those words had left his lips, but he was damned determined it would not be the last. His voice faded into a whisper as he continued to embrace her while his dark brown eyes continued to search the distance sea for some sign of real hope. “Please… What can I do to convince you…?”

[bella]

Bells could feel the salty breeze flowing through her hair and a deep inhale encompassed them. His warm lips found solitude against her forehead and in response, her eyes closed and she closer into him. His presence was enough to make her weak to her emotions, but it was reality that kept her at bay. In their moments together, Bella felt…normal. Even if she was in the arms of a werewolf, she felt at home…at peace. It was a feeling she becoming all too accustomed too. Edward’s family was like home as well, but there was a certain warmth that Jacob could fill…that Edward lacked. Her heart crushed under her thoughts and a soft tensing appeared in her muscles. Why couldn’t this decision just be easy? For a moment, her eyes flashed forward to what her future would be like with each of them. As Edward’s Bella, she found herself with golden eyes…youth remaining and in love beyond words. As Jake’s….she was surrounded by family, aging with her love, and free from harm. Living the closeness of a tribe…family beyond the extent of blood. It was the fairy-tale ending she had dreamed of…

Then why was it so hard for her to just say yes? Why couldn’t she let Edward go and curl into the arms of her Jake? What was keeping her so drawn to Edward...? Was it the slight danger that he portrayed? The small adrenaline rush when she kissed him that kept her intoxicated, wondering if he would be able to control himself? She couldn’t really be that much of an adrenaline-junkie. It just wasn’t Bella’s style. But, something kept her in bliss of her beloved Edward. And as appealing as the future with Jacob sounded, she didn’t quite yet know her decision.

All at once, she could feel herself returning back to reality as Jake’s soft words met her ears. She relaxed under his embrace, enjoying the closeness they shared in that moment. His words melted her, and her arms tighten around him gently. She felt a familiar sting tease at her eyes, but she wouldn’t cave to her emotions. It wasn’t fair for her to lose herself around him and then have to play the cold façade until she decided what she wanted. Of course, this wasn’t quite the definition of fair either. Her slender frame finally withdrew from the embrace a bit, her dark eyes finally meeting his.

I love you.

Those were the only three words that could make Bella feel like a princess and a monster at the same time. She could feel her heart beat faltering in its normal beating and her blood beginning to run hot through her veins. The cold of the breeze was no longer shielded, but accepted graciously, her eyes holding with his. No matter how much she may have wanted, she couldn’t break their gaze. “Jake…I…” But for once, Bella was at loss for words. She didn’t know what to say. Her heart ached to say I love you too, but there was inner confliction with those words. She bit at her lower lip, figuring to just let those words sit in silence.

“You don’t have to convince me, Jake. I know you do. I see it in your eyes...” Both of them knew the next word would kill the moment. “But, I don’t know what to say…” For a moment, her eyes drifted to the water and she tried her hardest to keep it together…listening to the sound of the waves for comfort. It wasn’t as if she had denied his love, but hadn’t quite accepted it either. For a long moment, they just stood in silence before she finally spoke again. “How’re Quil and Embry?” It was all she could do to try and keep the old Bella and Jake together; just talking about the on goings of the tribe and those that Jacob associated with. She only hoped he wouldn’t dwell too much on the fact that she had changed the subject. She wouldn’t admit it to herself that she felt the same for Jake, and so it was best to just let it fade until she was absolutely sure what her decision was…