+Secret Desires+ [Bella/Open]

[edwardcullen]

It didn't take him long to get to the meadow. It was around 4 in the morning. So the sun was not out yet. He had time to sit and think before she....Yes, she got here. He had to get his sister to send Bella a letter to meet her out here. And with no wolves following her. Ana was the only one able to get near her house. And he knew Bella would not be scared of his sister who was in fact a human. And when Ana told him that Bella said yes she would meet him then he dropped everything. He removed his wedding ring. For Bella had not known he was married yet.

Edward stood alone at the edge of the meadow. There was one spot he remembered clearly in his mind. But he was only here to let Bella know why he left her that day. Why he never returned to her. He didn't know what she must have been thinking since. But had no doubt who she was with while they were both separated from each other...Jacob Black.....It didn't take him long to give into to what everyone was telling him to do. He knew this was wrong. He knew he was breaking the deal with the Volturi. But Bella didn't know.

That was the whole reason he had planned to see her to tell her why he left her like he did. She didn't know. He knew what damage he caused her. And he would not be surprised that she was wearing Jacob's ring when she showed up to meet him...But he was not even wearing his own. Why wouldn't he wear it? Again for the simple reason, she didn't know he was married...The sun was finally coming up. It was it sun rise already? Time flew when your mind was going in all kinds of directions at once...She would be arriving soon....And he would be there waiting.....

[bella]

Every fiber of her being had told her to say no…to stay away from the man who had broken her so many times. But, just as she was his personal brand of heroine…he was her own drug. No matter how hard she tried, how hard she wanted…she couldn’t stay away from him. Sure, things had become easier since Jake was in the picture, helping to build her strength again…to see the sunshine. But even at the mention of his being put Bella on edge. She still loved him. It was an impossible feeling to get rid of. No matter the repairs that Jake, Charlie, and all her friends made…she would never completely be healed. It was just part of the vicious emotion called love.

A day earlier, Edward’s sister, Ana, had made a surprise visit to the house…giving her a letter from the man she had once adored. He was asking to meet her at their spot...the one place that flooded her mind with hundreds of memories. An aching lingered in her heart as she thought about it in Ana’s presence. Though she knew it would have been best to say no, she just couldn’t. She had agreed to meet him there at sunrise the following morning. Ana was a sweet girl, and Bella almost envied her for her place at the Cullen home. There was such a void in her heart without all of them, but especially without Alice. She could feel her muscles tense as she thought of the clairvoyant vampire, how her optimistic outlook on life always cheered Bella up. Though that wasn’t much the case anymore, Bella was glad to have known her for as long as she had.

Pushing the comforter of her bed off, she moved to the edge of the bed…letting her feet slowly run across the cool floor. For a moment, she just sat there, trying to figure out why Edward wanted to meet her. It couldn’t possibly be that he wanted her back…or could it? No…stop! She screamed at herself. Thinking like that would only end in more pain, because as much as Bella wanted it to be true…she knew in her heart it wasn’t. It was over between them. She and Edward would be no more. “Edward…” She whispered into the dark, silent room. A soft aching lingered on her heart as she pushed herself from bed and began to get dressed. It would be a short drive to the forest edge, but a long walk to the meadow itself. Unlike Edward, she didn’t have the super-speed required to get there in less than a minute.

As she pulled on a faded black t-shirt, she couldn’t help but think of the first time Edward had taken her to the meadow. She had ridden on his back and nearly gotten sick because of the shock of his speed. A small smile fell on her lips, but faded as she slipped into her jacket…her mind slowly reeling her back to reality. This wouldn’t be a happy reunion…if anything it would end in tears and another broken heart. But, she would do anything to see him…be near him again…

The truck roared gently out of the driveway as she made her way down the vacant street. There was a cool humidity in the air that made the roads seem a little damp and the air feel a little thick. In a way though, it was relaxing. There was certain serenity that it brought that calmed her nerves. It was only about a fifteen minute drive to the forest’s edge, and with a finally look at the street, she got out of the truck and made her way towards the meadow.

Though she knew the path by heart, it didn’t make it any less of an obstacle. Especially with the slight dampness on the forest floor and the freshly fallen autumn leaves. They were slippery and, a couple times, Bella felt herself grabbing for a tree branch to keep from falling. There was a slight frustration in her veins as she finally made it to the meadow, but all frustration left as she saw him standing there…looking more beautiful than ever…the morning twilight filling the meadow. For a moment, she was unable to speak…only able to stand in awe of the man and creature that stood before her. How she missed his kiss…his touch…his presence…

“Edward…” was all the whisper that escaped her lips. She honestly wasn’t sure what else to say. Like many times before, Edward Cullen had left her speechless.

[edwardcullen]

“Edward…”

"Bella. You're just as beautiful as the last time I saw you."That wasn't lying either. He meant every word. She was indeed beautiful. Rather she didn't think so. He always thought so. He could see the way she looked at him that told him that she still longed for him. But what could he do now? Now that he was a married man. Good thing his wife was no mind reader like him, and no vampire could see into Bella's mind if she got near another one. So what happens in the meadow between them, stayed in the meadow. He moved closer to her just then. As he just smiled down at her and placed his fingers on her cheek. And removed them instantly. He didn't want her to think that those old feelings were back. He knew he lost her. She would never give him another chance.

He wanted to see her here today for a specific reason. And at this spot...For it was the only spot no one knew about. And it was their spot if Edward remembered correctly. Hopefully no one else knew about this place. This is where he confessed his love for her for the first time. And if she had shared this spot with any one else that would indeed crush his heart. Or what was left of it. He was here for a reason....To tell her why he had left her....Hoping she would understand completely and not hate him so much...."I have to tell you why, I left you...."He looked down as stated, "Know this won't be easy for me to say...But you need to know the truth..." He didn't care about the Volturi's rule at the moment either...He just wanted to tell her the truth...And that was when he looked up and looked her in the eyes....

"I left you yes...Without telling you why. I had a reason...Aro knew you were still human. And he made an appointment to see me...We exchanged words and fists...But in the end, it was my weakness....He said the only way you remain human and breathing, is if I join with them...I had to say yes, Bella..I loved you so much...I couldn't let them kill you...Because that was what they were going to do...." He hoped he explained it well as he turned away from her then and sighed and looked down...He told her the truth...Now all he could do was wait for her reaction in silence...

[bella]

As she heard Edward’s melodic voice, her heart melted. It was a natural instinct to him and she couldn’t help it. He was her other half…he other soul. They were connected in a way she and no one else would be. He was her first true love, and it would forever remain that way. A small, light pink blush appeared on her cheeks as she let her eyes finally reach his. How she missed his gaze and his touch. Everything she ever wanted was standing right in front of her, yet she wasn’t able to obtain it. Things had just…not played out right. And while she hated it, there was nothing she could do.

Her heart raced as she felt his soft fingers on her cheek and her eyes closed. Memories of their time together flooded her mind and she felt her figure tense as a familiar sting of tears teased at the back of her eyelids. No. Not here. She wouldn’t cry in front of him…that would only show her weakness. It would only make him feel worse about what had happened and that was the last thing she wanted. Instead, her breath caught in her throat and she almost struggled for a moment to breathe. When she finally did, he had spoken again. When he said it wouldn’t be easy for him to say, her heart tightened and her eyes near immediately looked away from him and downward. She had expected this meeting would be something of the sort, but she wasn’t actually sure if she was ready for it. Clenching her fist, she gazed back up at him as he began to speak, trying her hardest to keep composure and to keep calm.

The near second his words passed across Aro, she felt sick to her stomach. She didn’t want to hear anymore of what he had to say because she already could guess the rest. Aro was a sick man. Of course he would make it so they had to split or else she’d die. He always gets what he wants. “You should have just let him kill me.” It was a statement said out of a mix of anger, confusion, and hurt. While yes, Edward had joined the Volturi to save her life…the thought of becoming and immortal still seemed to be a better alternative to his joining. “Or changed me…” As she spoke those words, that was all she could focus on: what would have happened had Edward changed her…had they gone through with a marriage and she had become one of them.

Inhaling deeply, she forced the thought from her mind as her eyes became glossy with tears. Where was this going and what was happening? Why couldn’t she just kiss and him and tell him she still loved him? Even if she had, she knew things wouldn’t be that easy. Though he hadn’t directly told her or had she ever met the girl…Bella knew there was another. She had heard rumors about it at school, but she ignored them as if they were false. But, as she stood before him now as he pulled his touch back from her cheek, she knew they were true.

Her muscles tensed as she turned away from him…trying her hardest to catch her composure and suppress any emotions that were beginning to rise. And at the moment, it was all of them. Anger, hatred, betrayal, sadness, hurt, longing, lust. They all mixed together into a messy concoction and she struggled to keep them at bay. “Do you still love me?” She asked out of no where, turning to face him. Her eyes were red with held back tears, but she needed to look him in the eyes as he spoke his answer. She needed to know if there was any hope for them.

[edwardcullen]

“You should have just let him kill me.” “Or changed me…” “Do you still love me?” Bella, that was never an option...That would be a tragedy..." He still felt like he did before towards her. He didn't want to end her life...Just to keep her on this world. He'd honestly rather kill her with his bare hands than turn her. But then again, he could not own up to kill her either...His feelings for her were still strongly there. As much as he hated to admit that. They were still there....

“Do you still love me?” Edward saw her move around not facing him then as he sighed...Did she have to ask that? She was still his weakness. Didn't she know that at all? Of course he still loved her! He loved her with all his being! Why would she even ask some thing like that? He then moved over to where he was facing her again...And he placed his ice cold fingers on her chin gently lifting her head up so he could see her eyes...He knew she was on the point of breaking down and crying...But, he's never seen her cry. That was some thing he wanted to keep between them...If he saw her cry then he would most likely blame himself for what she was crying for...

"Bella...I still love you...." He said as he leaned down to her and gave her sweet kiss. He only meant to give her a sweet kiss on the lips but his thoughts were lost as he pulled her closer to him...He knew she was with Jacob...But he honestly didn't give a damn right now.

He was still in love with her...It was hurting him for doing this because he knew who she would run back to after this...But, he didn't care about that either...His thoughts for a moment were at peace...With her here all he could hear was his own voice inside his head...It was rather calming. He knew his kiss might have caught her off by surprise...But he had to let her know in his own special way the truth of his feelings for her....Now she would really know...And he knew how highly dangerous this was...But he cared less..

[bella]

In that moment, Bella’s mind raced wildly over all the responses that Edward could give. A part of her wanted him to say ‘no’ to her question, but her heart ached for his love. Even with Jacob’s presence, she had missed him…had dreamt about him numerous times. It even started to feel like when he had first left…hallucinations about him talking to her and being near her. She now knew that was her mind’s way of coping with losing him. It was the only way she could bare the thought…if she thought and pretended he was closer than he was. Maybe she really did need help, or perhaps Florida would be a better place for her. But, even as the thought crossed her mind, Bella knew it wasn’t. She was meant to be here in Forks. If not for Edward, then for Jacob.

She could sense him coming closer to her and as her eyes peered at the ground, she saw his feet standing in front of her. Her eyes closed as she knew the answer that was coming. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to take it…she had been holding on to his memory and to have it shattered by a simple ‘no’ would possibly send her over the edge. Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest as she felt his cool fingers pulling her chin up to look at him. And in their moment, their eyes finally met once more. His eyes were a beautiful golden brown and even with his cool touch, she felt warm to be near him again. He spoke softly, his melodic words trailing to her ears and her heart rate only increased. He did love her...nothing had changed…

Her brown eyes never left his as he leaned in and kissed her. She had been expecting only a small kiss, but the emotion behind this one said everything Bella needed to know. She was still his Bella. Her body pressed against his, his cool skin conflicting with hers. Her blood was running warm through her veins, her heart racing as she deepened the kiss intensely. She knew her limits with him, but in this moment, she didn’t care. She wanted him to know how much he meant to her and how much she loved him. Her arms were around his neck as their bodies pressed lightly against each other. She let one of her hands run to his neck and then slowly down his chest. For the first time in over a month, her mind and body were at peace. She was relaxed in his embrace and kiss, and she was content to just let it be.

As she slowly pulled away from the kiss, she let her lips linger near his…her eyes still closed for the moment. Such passion and love had been behind that kiss that her skin was almost hot to the touch. She leaned her forehead against his, opening her eyes and looking at the top rim of his shirt. Her mind was at peace…she had no racing thoughts. “I love you too.” Not having said those words in a while, she was scared they would seem foreign. But, as she spoke them, they were just as serene as the moment they were sharing. They fit perfectly. Her breathing was still a little rigid as she stayed close to him…knowing the moment he would push her away was soon to come.

[edwardcullen]

He was a bit stunned when she didn't pull away from his kiss. She only made it more passionate for him. And not to mention difficult. He was a married man. And here he was kissing another woman. He brought his arms around her tiny waist to pull her a bit closer to him. As he felt her wrap her arms up around his neck. He couldn't believe this was happening. He knew she was with Jacob now. He knew what would happen if Jacob saw this. That's what was so dangerous about this. He grunted slightly as he kissed her. It was always so difficult to kiss her without thinking how much he wanted her blood. Which he smelled rushing through her veins. But he tried to let that not bother him.

He then pulled away from her after a long passionate kiss so she could have a chance to breathe. Yes he still remembered he was with a human here. How could he not? It was her.....His first love....He loved her so much...He wanted to go all the way with her. But he knew how dangerous that would be for her and he had to restrain himself from that. Besides he was not married with her...That was not right. Just kissing her helped his self become at peace. He felt much better in her arms...In this quietness they both shared. It was amazing. If he had a heart beat it would be beating ten times faster cause all he could think about was how right this was.

“I love you too.” He gasped slightly as she placed her fore head on hers...He was in disbelief that she still loved him...He pressed his own fore head against her warm one. Her warmth always made him relax. He loved every bit of her touch...Her voice her kiss was amazing. He kept his arms wrapped around her. As he had to take in what she just had told him. He didn't know if this was just some thing going on in his mind...But when he opened his eyes they casted to her shirt and he knew it was real...That was when he pulled away from her for a second....But then he leaned only to kiss her neck....He wanted to enjoy this as much as he possibly could. As he released his lips from her neck he looked back into her beautiful brown eyes....As he swiped his knuckles on her cheek just then..."You still love me...I can't believe that...After all I did to you.."

Yes he hated himself for hurting her so much...He left her without telling her and she still loved him even after all of that? He was shocked. He was only here to tell her the truth why he left..He had no idea that this would happen. That he would be pulled back into her life again....He thought she was thorough with him...Completely. But his thoughts were wrong about her...He wanted to be with her again...To start over. But the fact was he was married...He couldn't tell her that he was...He was lying to her all over again...He wanted to tell her, he was just scared to tell her...

[bella]

The kiss they shared held more passion than she could ever remember. Despite everything that had happened, Bella still loved him. He was her knight in shining armor. Even if he did have his fault as a vampire, he had been her first love. Her dreams had been enchanted with visions of their wedding day and their everlasting life. More than anything she wanted him back, but she knew it was impossible. He was part of the Volturi and she was almost sure he wasn’t here on orders. What would they say if they saw him with her? Would they allow it? Somehow Bella knew the answer to that, but she brushed the thought away…not wanting to ruin the moment the two of them shared.

As the kiss ended, their bodies still pressed to one another. His skin was ice cold against hers, yet somehow she felt warm and complete. She was back in her Edward’s arms. He was here. He wasn’t a figment of her imagination or a dream. She could feel his lingering kiss, smell his intoxicating and alluring scent, and above all, she could fell his arms around her. Her muscles and body relaxed in his embrace, having been filled with tension and stress since he’d left. It was a nice change from the past couple months, but her thoughts soon lingered to Jacob. She knew she was tearing him apart, even if he didn’t see or know what was happening at the moment. She could never truly give him all of her love. Edward was so much a part of her life, and he held her heart first. Tensing lightly, she thought herself a monster for being with him under such circumstances. But, she did love him. He was her other half and they truly complimented each other. She just would never fully be able to give herself to him…and it killed her that he knew that.

Brushing the thoughts of Jacob away, Bella felt Edward pulling away. Near immediately her heart began to race as she thought that was the end of their moment together. But, in mere seconds, she felt his lips grace against the sensitive skin of her neck and she exhaled slowly, her neck arching just a bit…desiring more. There was something about a vampire kissing her neck that made Bella light-headed, but she tried her hardest to keep herself composed. Her heart fluttered in his chest as his hand moved down her cheek and her eyes locked with his when he spoke. She smiled her small awkward smile and looked up at him, the love for him clearly in her eyes. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.” She whispered, her arms wrapping around his neck before pulling him back into another kiss. Her body and mind ached and longed for his touch, his kiss, everything. They were meant to be. They both felt it and they both knew it. Then why wasn’t it as such? Why would they never have their happy ever after.

[edwardcullen]

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

He looked up at her with big golden brown eyes. As she wrapped her arms around his neck. He was then pulled closer to her. As she leaned up wards he smiled. As he leaned down to give her a better comfortable stance. She always had to strain herself to kiss him. Unless he was laying down or he leaned down. And he just leaned down and placed his own ice cold lips on hers. As he kissed her. He even then took a moment, before he opened his mouth to let her enter. But he did any way. He felt bad about this. But he wanted to see if her kiss had changed since the last one he gave her. And no it has not. It was still amazing! Her kiss still got to him. And the old feelings came back. He really hated himself for this. What was he going to tell Brooke? He had to tell her. That it was a matter of time before he ran into Bella again...

He closed his eyes then....damn it....He closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms tighter around her waist and pulled her in. A lot closer than before. Everything about her he missed. This was not what he wanted to happen. He wanted to tell her the truth and that was it. He had no idea that she was going to tell him all this. His hands were shaking though. It has been a long time when he was in a human's arms. But it was her. She was alright and alive. That was all that mattered. But he did still love her. He wouldn't be able to hide that from any one. And he hated himself for it. He moaned in her mouth just then. He was worried though that Jacob was around. Or that she was being watched by their pack. But Edward couldn't read any more thoughts. It was her and her alone. His mind was at peace. For once in a long time. His mind was his own.

He let a large swallow happen in between the kiss. As he just tried to remain calm for her. He was a vampire after all. He was nervous. Just he was when they met. But he was not mad at her. If he was pressured in the right way, he could easily turn on her and kill her. That was how scared he was. He didn't want to feel like this though. He just hasn't been around her like he used to. He didn't want to feel like this...Like he was trying to block her out. He couldn't even do that. He wanted to pull away from her and leave. But she was like a magnet to him....But he let go of her completely just then and turned away from her..."It's nothing but camouflage...I told you it will never work...Why do you have to make it difficult for me?" He was not facing her when asked that, it helped him to get out what he wanted to ask...